It’s gotta be the shoes

Watching Wes Anderson’s The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou as an AdFreak family activity on Christmas Day, we were struck by the Zissou brand of clothes that were everywhere. Characters wear Zissou pajamas, beanies, Speedos, even a supposed limited-edition Team Zissou Adidas sneaker. The sneaker, with silver and teal stripes and the word “Zissou” on it, is just maddeningly out of reach enough to strike lust in the heart of any of-the-moment hipster. A quick Google search reveals many bloggers pining for it, to no avail. Only Zissou beanies and Speedos, which were sent out to promote the movie, are listed on eBay, and the “Zissou store” on the movie’s official Web site claims that the sneakers are “sold out” (though it also claims they were made in 1987, so it’s doubtful they were ever really for sale). What’s a sneakerhead to do? Blogger Josh Puleo has one solution: He offers step-by-step instructions for making your very own Zissou Adidas shoes, using paint or a Sharpie.

—Posted by Mae Anderson

Published on December 30, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)
Filed under Anderson, Product placement, Wes Anderson

If you got ’em, don’t smoke ’em

Maybe we should all move to Auckland.

This week, New Zealand snuffed out efforts by its Health Ministry to automatically give an R rating to movies that show smoking—a proposal that would essentially equate cigarettes with graphic violence, explicit language and full-frontal nudity.

The same concept has been gaining support in this hemisphere. But despite all its perceived tongue-rotting, finger-staining evilness, Big Tobacco was ahead of its critics this year. Ditching the benefits of product placement, Philip Morris and R.J. Reynolds actually requested that Hollywood remove any specific cigarette-brand imagery from its movies (at least in time for the DVD).

All of which feels a bit hysterical. Would the guys in American Graffiti really have smoked gas-station generics rather than Camels? Didn’t Marlboros seem significant in Apocalypse Now? Would Jim Jarmusch even have a career?

To appease the nonsmokers, perhaps theaters could show more anti-smoking ads instead. That would be reasonable—assuming there’s enough time between the Pepsi spot and the “visit our concessions stand” song.

—Posted by Randi Schmelzer

Photo: Newscom

Published on December 28, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Theater of the absurd

The new play Jewtopia, which tells the tale of a gentile obsessed with dating Jewish women and a Jew obsessed with dating gentile girls, sold out a small house in L.A. for a year (not an easy task) and has now opened Off Broadway.

Reviews have been mixed. Depending on what you read, it’s either “a raucous, merciless skewering of contemporary Jewish foibles, neuroses and stereotypes” (Los Angeles Times) or a “tasteless romp” and “offensive” (Backstage West). And the ads are, well, obvious. “Just Jew it” is only slightly more inspired (and that’s not saying much) than “Got Jew?” And this play is supposed to be “hilarious”?

Whatever. The writers do give away some free advertising in the form of product placement—particularly to JDate, the Jewish online dating service, which is central to the plot (it’s where the title comes from). Plus, the merchandising plans sound fun. As the Web site jokes, “Jewtopia 2: The Fellowship of the Jew and Jewtopia 3: The Return of the Gentile are already in the planning stages, with Jewtopia cast action figures to follow.”

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on December 28, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

The wrong kind of carrot

As if Florida hasn’t been hammered enough this year, what with hurricanes (and the resulting tomato shortage) and all those political ads. Now we hear that a consortium of central Florida business interests have enlisted alleged funnyman Carrot Top (whose real name is Scott Thompson—who knew?) to pitch their region as a hotbed for high-tech.

Mr. Top will appear in an ad on ABC during halftime of this year’s Capital One Bowl on New Year’s Day. The commercial, which the group calls “hilarious,” features the prop comic selling Orlando’s “advanced manufacturing, laser technology [and] computer modeling,” all while dressed in outfits ranging from a football uniform to a tutu. (You’ll be able to enjoy the spot over and over when it’s posted to the group’s Web site after the game.)

Of course, we would question the acumen of any business that were to pick a location based on the advice of a prop comic. And given Carrot Top’s base of college-age fans (which is apparently what led AT&T to foist him on us for all those stupid collect-call ads), we’re not sure exactly what businesses they’re trying to attract … unless Orlando is secretly feeling left out of that all-important spring-break business.

—Posted by Aaron Baar

Photo: Orlandoworks.com

Published on December 28, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Time to make a splash

So it’s New Year’s Eve, and you’re out at a party. You’re missing Dick Clark a little, and generally feeling a tad emotional about riding our turning blue planet across time’s invisible line, as Robert D. McFadden once put it. So, as midnight nears, you drag your friends into the kitchen, reach into the fridge and pull out …

A six-pack of Aquafina?

First, Aquafina had that commercial set in a pub, where everyone seemed to be getting plastered on water. Now it’s attaching itself to the sloshiest night of the year—putting up a billboard in Times Square as part of a big New Year’s Eve campaign by BBDO, including sponsorship of MTV’s Iced Out New Year’s Eve 2005 (see the second item down in this story).

Will water replace alcohol as the beverage of choice to “make your body happy”? Of course not, despite what Matt Sussman says in this humorous column. But the tongue-in-cheek aspect of BBDO’s strategy is, well, clean and refreshing. Just limit yourself to two or three bottles this Friday.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on December 28, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

A gift for that wacky someone

If the kids on your list didn't appreciate the tube socks they found in their holiday stockings, make it up to them with Wacky Packages.

Topps introduced the classic product-spoof trading cards in 1967, and brought them back this year with the first big new series since 1976. (Brief, unsuccessful revivals in the ’80s and ’90s didn’t really count.) The great new spoof products include Chimps Ahoy (“Real insects in every bite!”), Frosted Snakes (“They’re g-r-r-r-oss!”), Slop Tarts (“The disgustingly different snack”) and Mean Cuisine (“Best when not served”). You can look at the rest of the new additions here.

The original series from the ’60s featured illustrations by then-underground artists Art Spiegelman, Bill Griffith, Drew Friedman, Jay Lynch and Mark Newgarden. Lynch, who’s involved with the new cards, says Wacky Packages offer more than gross-out humor. “They bring the fantasy of advertising down to reality,” he tells the Chicago Reader. “They teach kids to think for themselves, and that what’s good for GM and Coca-Cola isn’t necessarily good for them. This is important, because these are the people 20 years down the road who will be doing your heart bypass.”

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on December 27, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)
Filed under Trading cards

Wishing you a happy holiday

Even AdFreak occasionally has to deal with real-world concerns like whether or not the Christmas gifts are really in those unopened Amazon boxes, whether it's bad form that most of the holiday cards haven't been sent yet and how bent out of shape the family will be if we forget the special ingredients for the eggnog. So, on that note, we're taking a break until Monday, the 27th to figure all this stuff out . Have a happy one!

Published on December 23, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

We wonder what he really thinks

You may think it's the holiday season but apparently it's not only that. It also may be open season for a new round of verbal assaults on Lizzie Grubman, the PR mistress who, a few years back, got into a lot of trouble with an SUV and next year will star in an MTV reality series titled, Power Girls that will feature her own brand of PR (which often consists of making sure the right people are seen at the right parties—we'll definitely watch.)

In a news release titled, Lizzie Grubman an Embarrassment to the PR Industry, Ronn Torossian, president & CEO of 5W Public Relations, which he refers to as "the quickest growing PR firm in the U.S.," launches this diatribe: “I wouldn't allow MTV camera's [sic] to follow me because our firm counsels clients and serves as confidants to them, and I and many of my industry peers hope upon hope that the general public, and those looking to hire PR firms see through this garbage, and realize that this show has nothing in common with what PR truly is.  That's what is going to make you a PR Pro, because not everyone has a rich daddy in the music industry." (For those unschooled on the Grubman family, the daddy being referred to is entertainment lawyer Allen Grubman.) Strangely, the release is not currently posted on the 5W web site.

On that kind and gentle note, happy holidays!

—Posted by Catharine P. Taylor

Photo Credit: Star Max Photos

Published on December 23, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Who would Jesus spam?

Oh, Lordy.

Unsolicited e-mails of a religious nature are on the rise, according to this article from E-Commerce Times. So far, MessageLabs, a company that provides email security, says messages which contain subject lines like "Only believe" are from legit organizations trying to sell Bibles. But since messages of this nature are not covered by the Can-Spam Act, it may only be a matter of time before some Viagra hawker gets on the bandwagon. (AdFreak's favorite quote from the article: "It is mostly Christian in nature. We have not seen any Islamic spam yet," according to MessageLabs chief information security analyst Paul Wood.)

On a separate but related matter, we're intrigued by this effort, encouraging people to boycott stores that opt to use "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas" in their advertising. The so-called "Committee to Save Merry Christmas" says there's a "covert and deceptive war" to remove any mention of Christmas by retailers (in particular, according to the Committee, Federated Department Stores) during the, um, holiday season. (Though they have a point about the dichotomy of having "Holiday" and "After Christmas" sales.) The group is encouraging a boycott of Federated stores through the Christmas season (a year-round boycott is optional).

Somebody's going to wake up to a big lump of coal on Saturday morning.

—Posted by Aaron Baar

Published on December 23, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Blog hogs

Bloggers in 2004 couldn't get enough of Johnny Depp.  Or Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11. Or JibJab.com's satirical This Land is Your Land cartoon starring George W. Bush and John Kerry.

All were hot topics for entertainment bloggers last year, according to a survey by Intelliseek's BlogPulse.com, an automated blog portal which tracks and analyzes more than 3.5 million blogs daily.

But in addition to the usual suspects like Depp and Page Six regular Lindsay Lohan, bloggers occasionally strayed off the beaten path. The quirky Jim Carrey film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was the second most-mentioned movie in blog postings, and Dubya's "one-fingered victory salute" was also a blog fave.

Top audio files cited included Monty Python alum Eric Idle's FCC Song, Bush's description of "tribal sovereignty" and William Shatner's version of Common People.

It's two days before Christmas and you're sitting at your desk. Click on all these links and have some fun.

—Posted by Lisa van der Pool

Published on December 23, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Goodbye, Mr. Chimp

Well, at least the butterflies (and ants) are still free to roam the TV airwaves in Puma's "New Stuff" ad campaign. (See item with adorable chimp picture below.)

However, we’ve received word—actually we checked out the Web site for London’s Guardian—that the athletic footwear company has now pulled the 30-second spot featuring a baby chimp after even more concerns were raised by animal activists including famed naturalist Dr. Jane Goodall.

It took Goodall's clout—along with protests from about 30 animal-rights groups—to get the ad pulled, according to the story (we’ll link to it, but be forewarned, you have to register). "Chimpanzees and other apes suffer horribly for society's entertainment," said Goodall, who has spent nearly a half-century studying chimpanzees in Tanzania and has written widely about the plight of the highly endangered great ape. "It is time to move beyond the misuse of creatures who are vulnerable to our exploitation precisely because they are so like us."

UPDATE: Strangely, the ban doesn't apply to North America. Said Barney Waters, director of marketing, Puma North America, "Puma North America is continuing with our scheduled media plan for the 'New Stuff' campaign which includes the simultaneous rotation of three TV spots ... The broadcast will conclude as planned on December 31.  The airing of these executions can vary from country to country according to the different product offerings in each market."

Puma said there was no mistreatment of the chimp.

—Posted by Lisa van der Pool

Published on December 22, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Think Twink

We can't help thinking Twinkies' 75th anniversary "Taste-bud Tingling Recipes" promotion is a just a little bit gross.

The brand says it is seeking ideas for the 75 "most creative" recipes involving the "iconic" cream-filled sponge cake for an anniversary cookbook. But, ugh, some of the suggestions! "From fried Twinkie crepes to Twinkie-misu to the Twinkie Toffee Treat, bakers, homemakers and kids of all ages have been creating delectable desserts for decades using America's favorite snack cake," said Mike Redd, vp of cake marketing, in a statement.

Would-be submitters should take note that recipes must include a list of ingredients and step-by-step instructions. Maybe Twinkie maker Interstate Bakeries is grasping at straws with the promotion, but who can blame them? Back in September the parent company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Still, we wish to make it clear that we’re not against Twinkies, per se, just ideas involving Twinkies that get a little too creative. Long live the Twinkie!

—Posted by Lisa van der Pool

Published on December 22, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

But will the campaign evolve?

The American Anti-Vivisection Society is up in arms over one of Puma's latest TV commercials. The animal rights organization posted a statement on its Web site asking the sneaker company to stop using primates in its ads.

The offending spot shows a chimpanzee inspecting a Puma running shoe. The AAVS calls the commercial "not only seemingly pointless, but cruel. ... The commercial opens with a baby chimp in a diaper walking up to a sneaker ... The relevance of the chimp is unclear." (To see the chimp spot, click here and scroll down to the link "View 'New Stuff'". Click on it and then on option #2. )

Puma expressed its point of view in November, when its three-spot, animal-focused "New Stuff" effort broke. It felt the ads showed animals interacting "with the product in an adoring distinctive way."

The AAVS, which works to stop animal testing and cruelty, calls this a "bizarre marketing strategy." (The group had no complaint about the portrayal of butterflies and army ants in other "New Stuff" spots, though those creatures appear to have been computer-generated, rather than trained to perform.)

But it's a little difficult to see what all the fuss is about. Puma has insisted that no harm came to the chimp during the making of its ad, and says, in a statement, it "took every precaution to insure the safety and well being of the chimpanzee."

"In addition to the animal's devoted trainer, the American Humane Society was present during the duration of the production. Prior to the airing of the campaign, Puma submitted the commercial to animal rights organizations asking if they had any concerns. To date, no negative feedback from these organizations has been received."

Until now.

—Posted by Lisa van der Pool

Published on December 22, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Guess who's got a friend at Hallmark?

Singer/songwriter James Taylor says he’s seen fire and he’s seen rain—and in 2002 he saw the loss of his record contract.

So Taylor certainly had the right idea in pairing with Hallmark Gold Crown stores this year, where he has sold more than 1 million copies of his first Christmas CD.

The folk artist bypassed a record company and on Nov. 1 began selling James Taylor: A Christmas Album for $10.95, or $6.95 with the purchase of three Hallmark greeting cards.

And now his versions of Winter Wonderland, Go Tell It On The Mountain and Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, among others, have gone platinum.

Some of America’s other big retailers have done this successfully before. Last year, special compilation CDs of Sting’s love songs were for sale at the checkout counter at Victoria’s Secret (AdFreak sheepishly admits being suckered in to that one). Starbucks sold a Ray Charles album that did quite well in their coffee shops. But James Taylor’s music for sale next to rows and rows of sentimental greeting cards, that’s pretty smart.

What could be next? Ashlee Simpson’s CD for sale next to the black hair dye? The new Motley Crue release in the hard-liquor aisle? Rolling Stones music next to the Mylanta?

Who knows.

—Posted by Celeste Ward

Published on December 22, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's not nice to fool Mother Nature

It must have been the bloody rodent and pigeon carcasses seen dropping from the 12th floor that finally drove the co-op board of 927 Fifth Avenue in Manhattan to evict perhaps its most famous resident. But even though the crisis is now passed, we’re still reeling from the public relations disaster—one the board should have anticipated given the tenant they were throwing out.

Sure, the likes of Mary Tyler Moore and CNN host Paula Zahn live at the posh address. But the red-tailed hawk Pale Male (and his consort, Lola) eclipsed them all. When he first moved on to the building's cornice in 1993, he was the only known hawk in New York City. Since then, he has sired 22 children, some of whom can still be seen circling in Central Park.

We would like to think that the co-op board of 927 is staffed with reasonable people, but if there’s a lesson for the PR and marketing world here, it’s that underestimating America's love of animals is serious business. By failing to recognize that passion, the board made a decision that has shredded its reputation and alienated some of its residents. You know things are bad when long-time animal activist Mary Tyler Moore is seen outside the building siding with the picketers on behalf of the hawk. Did the board even know that a fan had established a Web site in Pale Male's honor? (MTM herself would later bail the same fan out, after he was arrested for protesting.)

At the very least, the board should have first floated the idea that it was considering such drastic action. Instead, with no warning, a construction crew appeared and workers could be seen removing the sticks that held together Pale Male's nest. Worse, they even took away the building's spikes—intended to keep pigeons at bay—that helped the hawk securely attach his home.

Naturally, such ill-conceived and executed plans sparked huge anger. The building's lawyer got over 200 e-mails from around the world, some of which included death threats. Of course, the local chapter of the Audubon Society also jumped in to the fray.

At this point, the board decided a full retreat was in order. It would even pay for the construction and installation of a box where Pale Male can rebuild his nest in exactly the same spot. That's a start.
       
But the board will not live down this PR fiasco anytime soon. We bet relations inside 927 will remain frosty for some time to come.

—Posted by Wendy Melillo

Photo credit: AP/Wide World

Published on December 22, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

And the winner of Best Nose Job is ...

For anyone out there who has lingering concerns about whether China has embraced capitalism, you need wonder no more. With the naming of its first Miss Plastic Surgery over the weekend, it looks like the country's transformation is just about complete.

The winner, according to the AP, was 22-year-old Feng Qian, who had surgery on her eyelids and cheeks.  In a nod to China's growing entrepreneurial spirit, the pageant was started after a contestant was disqualified from another pageant for the non-surgically-altered when it became known that she had been. (For this pageant, contestants had to prove they’d had surgery. We can only imagine the approval process.)

There was a tie for Best Media Image between Liu Xiaojin, a 21-year-old who came into his womanhood after a sex change operation three years ago, and Liu Yulan a retiree who has had “a facelift and three other procedures.”

Come to think of it, this pageant sounds so interesting, maybe the ratings-challenged Miss America Pageant should take note.

—Posted by Catharine P. Taylor

Published on December 21, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Imagine me 'n' you 'n' surf 'n' turf

Remember that Applebee's spot that featured a reworked version of the Turtles' infectious 1967 hit Happy Together?

The original words, true to the era, celebrated love. Applebee's rendition extolled the virtues of steak and shrimp.

Apparently the Turtles are not amused. Group members Mark Volman and Howard Kaylan are suing the restaurant chain and its ad agency, Foote, Cone & Belding, alleging their reputation was compromised. The musicians claim the commercial changed the lyrics, "from those of a sweet love song to a crass paean to shrimp and combination plates." Well, in a nutshell, yes.

The offending lyrics? The original's line "Imagine me and you, I do/I think about you day and night, it's only right" becomes "Imagine steak and shrimp, or shrimp and steak/Imagine both of these on just one plate."

But AdFreak is having a flashback of its own. To the 1980s, when Happy Together was used in a spot for Golden Grahams cereal. In that commercial, the line "I can't see me loving nobody but you/ For all my life" became "Oooh, that golden honey and graham cracker taste/Of Golden Grahams."

Given the band's lack of hits since the summer of love, maybe filing lawsuits is the only way they can move those budget-priced compilation CDs up the charts.

—Posted by Lisa van der Pool

Published on December 21, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hold the pizza

Maybe its unfair to single out Papa John’s unfortunate Lemony Snicket tie-in, but at a time when branded content is raising the bar for all entertainment-related advertising, this “let’s hitch a ride on Jim Carrey’s coattails” deal seems particularly nonsensical.

The pizza slinger has launched a TV spot touting its “Fortunate Deal”: buy a large pizza and have the opportunity to get a preview CD-ROM of the new Lemony Snicket video game for just $13.99. Now, I know that these deals have being going on since the dawn of the Happy Meal—I don’t remember Miss Piggy chowing down at Mickey D’s in The Muppet Movie but I have the glasses to prove merchandising hasn’t always been strategic.

That said, isn’t it time these licensing deals step up their strategies a bit? Pizza is not once mentioned in the movie, a delightfully Gothic tale of three orphans sent to live with an evil relative (though pasta puttenesca plays a supporting role). Are you listening, Olive Garden?

Hey, Burger King may have done the same with SpongeBob, but at least he makes his living flipping crabby patties. As for the branded entertainment portion of the film, the AFLAC duck’s brief cameo may entertain ad wonks, but average moviegoers will likely see only a white duck narrowly escaping debris from a dilapidated house. The duck yells a brief, “Aaaaaaaah…” before quacking off-screen, but the all important, “-flac,” was either not present or too faint to be heard. What good is a close-up when nobody knows who you are?

—Posted by Deanna Zammit

Published on December 21, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's the re-gift they'll always remember

It's just a few days until Christmas and you're stuck at your desk with a half-finished shopping list in your pocket. Then, a package arrives from a client or customer or, in our business, an ad agency or source, and you can't help but see it as a perfect gift for Grandma or Uncle Bud. So, you indulge in the time-honored tradition of putting it in a different package and regifting it. (Although the practice has been around for decades it was Seinfeld that gave it a name.)

The folks at WestWayne in Tampa understand that and made it a little easier for befuddled shoppers this year. The independent shop sent out about 200 bottles of wine to clients that included several labels that could be attached to the bottle and used in different situations. You can attach the "Return My Mower" label and give it to your neighbor. Or, you can use the "Alimony" label and give it to your ex-wife. Need something for the boss? Use the "Bucking for a Raise" label.

"Regifting is a truism," said Tom McMahon, creative director at WestWayne. "If you haven't done it, you've thought about it. We wanted to acknowledge that."

Not that WestWayne actually expects people to use the labels. It's an excellent bottle of wine that the shop hopes its clients keep and enjoy, he said. "We just wanted to put a little bit of WestWayne's personality in the gift and entertain people with the labels," he said.

We gave ours to the guy who runs the mailroom. He can choose whichever label he wants, but we are pretty sure he will be the one who drinks it.

—Posted by Jim Lovel

Published on December 21, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Come fly with me

In Denmark, where the lessons of TBWA\Chiat\Day’s binocular building in Venice, Calif. have evidently not traveled well, 727 Communications is taking a crack at contemporary office-gimmick chic. The Copenhagen agency took a grounded British Boeing 727 jumbo jet, rechristened it Lady Patricia, then put the entire aircraft inside its new hangar-shaped office building and designed a terminal around it—a variation on a WWII warbirds setting implemented by a Santa Monica, Calif. post-production studio.

The jet is more than a gargantuan conversation piece. The agency is using it for a meeting room and creative workshop for its 20 employees. One wonders if presentations are now chronically late, hosted by sexy stewardesses and are catered with small bags of peanuts and six-ounce cans of soda and whether—using the spirit of fun as an excuse—agency employees charge visiting clients extra kroner for a shot of Gammel Dansk or Aalborg Akvavit.

Company directors Tom Elert and Flemming Kok said the plane gives the agency a higher profile, declining to specify exactly the altitude. But obviously the agency had to do something: It claims awareness of 727 among a key target has risen from 25 percent to 85 percent, or, expressed another way, previously only a quarter of the business community had even heard of the 30-year-old agency. Web traffic is up to 100,000 hits a week. Job applications are skyrocketing—though the agency hasn't said if people applying have any idea of what the company does.

Inarguably, it did create free advertising, including a feature in British Airways' in-flight magazine—and far more importantly, attention from us.

—Posted by Gregory Solman

Published on December 20, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Network time-wasters Apprentice-style

Note to Mark Burnett: When the O’Jays are singing “For the Love of Money” while Donald Trump and Regis Philbin look on, it’s not called entertainment. It’s called filler.

That’s the only conclusion a viewer could come to after sitting through that performance as part of the three-hour Apprentice finale last Thursday night. It was clear that Burnett, for all of his brilliance in making a show that is in essence a postcard to the back-stabbing mystique of New York, had run out of ways to fill the mammoth primetime slot he and the Donald were given to wrap up the show’s second season. The show was so dull that it practically qualified as news when we heard eventual winner Kelly Perdew mention something about—whilst trying to succeed at his final task of running a charity polo match in Greenwich—Unilever’s Wisk spending only $250,000 for its sponsorship of the match. (In one of the show’s funnier twists, when the club’s main polo honcho pointed out that the Wisk logo spraypainted on the field might upset the horses, Perdew had to madly cellphone his way into getting the logo moved to a less distracting location. Weirdly, of course, the skirmish meant that Wisk got much more than its money’s worth.)

As for the competition—other finalist Jennifer Massey had to run a charity basketball tournament—much of it seemed to revolve around whether or not the contestants did an effective job of kissing the Donald’s figurative ring. Jennifer didn’t see Donald off in his private helicopter as he left the game (for shame!), and Kelly escorted Donald to his exclusive box at the polo match, only to find it unkempt (the unspeakable horror!).

But it wasn’t until the so-called action moved to the faux boardroom set up in Lincoln Center that things really ground to a halt. Despite picking the winner in front of a seemingly enthusiastic live audience, it was about as suspenseful as seeing whether Donald’s hair is capable of moving. Philbin walked through the audience trying to gather input into the final decision—but with virtually everyone picking Perdew over Massey, the cut-aways to the two finalists made it seem like Massey’s real final challenge was to see if she could keep her composure on live TV while being almost universally dissed in front of an audience of millions.

On Friday, Unilever issued a release giving Perdew a year’s supply of Wisk detergent, explaining, “[Perdew] demonstrated that he lives life to the fullest and will stop at nothing to get a job done.  Wisk Laundry Detergent … upholds those same values and will bestow upon Kelly another prize: enough laundry detergent to last him the length of his apprentice year and a permission slip to live 2005 actively, yet stain-free.”

There’s something here that needs a good cleaning. But it’s not Kelly Perdew's wardrobe.

—Posted by Catharine P. Taylor

Photo credit: Chris Haston

Published on December 20, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Rah! Rah! Us!

First, it was New York City, deciding to market swag emblazoned with the logos of everything from its Parks Department to the Sanitation Department. Now, Boston and Texas are getting heavy into the act of local boosterism, but we’re wondering how many t-shirts our overloaded clothing bureaus can bear.

Last week, Boston Mayor Thomas Menino said he wants folks to think of the World Champion Red Sox hometown as a "can do" kind of place. To illustrate that philosophy, he ordered chocolates with wrappers that say "Boston Can," and even gave out "can-do cans" at a Greater Boston Chamber of Commerce breakfast.

"We transformed Boston into the can-do capital of the country," Menino told The Boston Globe, pointing to the Sox victory over the Cardinals and the successful Democratic National Convention hosted by the city this summer. (Bostonian John Kerry, of course, couldn't quite get the job done. But Menino was willing to overlook Kerry's defeat to Dubya in November's presidential election. After all, the Junior Senator from Massachusetts did place second.)

Also taking a can-do attitude last week was the Texas Transportation Department which, simply put, is sick and tired of other people profiting off its trademarked tagline, "Don't Mess With Texas."

The TTD has made a licensing agreement with Direct Mark of San Marcos to manufacture merchandise with the kick-ass slogan (originally used for an anti-littering effort in 1987). For years the TTD has been trying to stop unauthorized production of "Don't mess with Texas" stuff—now they've finally wised up and will pit their "official" products against all the others.

With local boosterism such a trend, AdFreak is offering up some ideas of its own to promote several other states and municipalities. Florida should invite visitors to "Get Juiced", Idaho can call itself "Spud-tastic." Vegas is no a brainer: "Gambling, Hookers ... Why go home?"

—Posted by Lisa van der Pool

Published on December 20, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Birkenstocks, we barely knew ye

Usually when one refers scoffingly to a "Birkenstock-wearing" so-and-so, one's not thinking of over-excitable exercise guru and informercial pioneer Tony Little. Known to himself and others as "America's Personal Trainer", the ex-bodybuilder can now credibly claim to have muscled 37 million people into buying $2 billion worth of ab tighteners, elliptical trainers, Hyperactive clothes and other stuff you didn't know you needed, purchased by and large at 2 a.m.

Alas, the Birkenstock insult will now have nuance, as the infomercial king—parodied, he proudly proclaims, more often than anyone in movies—and the secret satirical subject of a Rolling Rock Green Light's commercial campaign—has just signed a deal for the Birkenstock Betula brand to make Tony Little "Cheeks" fitness footwear.

Little visited us to assure us that he will do conventional 30- and 60-second pitches for Cheeks. (We're relieved: He's currently on air 4,000 to 7,000 hours a year worldwide, causing The Boss to poison-pen the lyric: "Tony Little, America's Personal Trainer, please kill yourself?") and tells us that longtime rep Ray Manzella ("America's Personal Manager to the Personal Trainers"?)is moving Little toward conventional pitch-man positioning and lining him up with an agency (one of the most obvious agencies, but one which we can't talk about yet).

Tony's done it before, he said, for instance there's that Hooter's/Miller Lite spot (he’s almost lost in the bevy of busty beauties above) where he was touting the low-carb menu options at the restaurant beloved of meat lovers. "I want my fashion products to be separate from my exercise pitches," said Little. "I would be sweaty, hyper—not coming off as nice and designer-y."

—Posted by Gregory Solman

Published on December 20, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Who knew?

Iconoclastic rockers The Who are following in the footsteps of author-turned-spiritual-leader L. Ron Hubbard—and we’re mortified it took us this long to figure it out.

In 1949, when Hubbard said, "If a man really wanted to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion," he was, of course, referencing one of the century's great inside jokes—at the time, perceived only by a very clever group who would later become immensely wealthy and eschew professional psychiatry. With whom was The Who wink-winking when it released its 1967 songs-interspersed-with-fake-ads album, The Who Sell Out?

Apparently, a lot of folks, if a current spin of the TV dial is any guide. Hewlett-Packard (Baba O'Riley), Nissan (Bargain), Sylvania (I Can See for Miles) got the joke, among others.

Revealed this month, what may have been Pete Townshend's most egregious wink of all: Let My Love Open the Door for the J.C. Penney holiday sale.

How did this happen? How is it that one-time living representations of the sentiment, "Hope I die before I get old" have effectively managed to rent their entire catalog (except for maybe Magic Bus and Boris the Spider, songs that no one ever wanted in the first place) to benefit multimillion-dollar advertising campaigns? How could Townshend foresee that his band would one day successfully exchange its cynical, guitar-smashing, riot-invoking My Generation image for its updated, 2004 title: "Band of old guys most likely to be downloaded by teenagers because of that Hummer commercial."

We can't explain.

—Posted by Randi Schmelzer

Published on December 20, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Ernest not in earnest

I always wondered how the producers of The Daily Show —or Ali G—get people to go on camera, because anyone who has ever watched those shows knows the interviewees end up looking like total morons, or if not morons, sad chumps.

So when I saw none other than sophisticated media guy Ernest Lupinacci (who wrote William Shatner into Priceline commercials—talk about putting the dead in deadpan) seem to fall hook, line and sinker for an interview segment on The Daily Show, I kinda felt sorry for him.

He came off as your average, decidedly non-Mensa level, oblivious slickster ad guy (and proud of it!), but it did make for some fine entertainment. (To see it yourself, click here, then scroll down to Glossing Over Evil.)

In a piece by investigative correspondent Bob Wiltfong titled, So You Wanna Gloss Over That Your Corporation or State Entity is Evil, Lupinacci is identified as someone who “has helped many companies get out of jams.”  He was asked, hypothetically, how he'd help Enron improve the public's perception that it has stolen retirement money from little old ladies, who are now forced to go without heat.

“Okay, the message is let the bitch freeze, we're taking her money!" Ernest responded, earnestly, in full sound bite m.o. "Well, that comes across as rather provocative, rather aggressive, so we might suggest to push back—soften it a little."

Later he suggested coming up with "a jingle—a well-known, well-liked song, that could deliver a different message." With a dream setup like that, The Daily Show writers concocted their own commercial, which was then shown—with the musical tag line, "Enron-- Freezing bitches since '85!''

But wait, there's more! (humiliation!). Lupinacci, identified as the founder of Anomaly, was questioned about his roster of clients. He responded that he was not in the position to say, so Bob the crack interviewer shot back with, "Okay, I'll say the name, and you just blink ... blink once if it's yes, twice if it's no.'' Whether through editing or playing along, Lupinacci actually stared the guy down, like in Clockwork Orange, making a Herculean effort not to blink, as the interviewer threw out "Coke.''  Bob stared back at Ernest, and after several agonizing seconds of Lupinacci keeping his eyes bolted open, the interviewer leaned forward and screamed "You blinked!''

Meanwhile, I sat there, unblinking, wondering how this could happen to a guy like Ernest. Well, folks, it turns out WE WAS PUNK’D!:  say it ain't so, but it's a made-up show with made-up interviews, and Ernest played along. “The way they explain it is ‘pretend we're from CNN, so no matter what we ask you, you respond like it's a legitimate question,'" he told AdFreak from his Tribeca office. "It' s like in the movie Stand By Me, when the kids are having a serious discussion about who's tougher, Superman or Mighty Mouse. You don't want to be the guy who says, 'well, they're in different media, and one's an animation.'" You've got leap over the absurdity to go to the next level.''

In fact, he said throughout, he was giving the crew ideas about how to make it funnier. (He suggested the song for Enron's spot to be "It's a bitch girl, but you've gone too far ... you can rely on the old man's money, you can rely on the old man's money.")

The segment elicited howls of laughter from the studio audience (and presumably, the millions watching at home.) But Ernest also had the last laugh: "When he asked about my clients we had actually gotten [Coke’s] Dasani the day before, but I couldn't tell anyone."

We blinked!

—Posted by Barbara Lippert

Published on December 17, 2004 | Permalink | Comments (0)
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