If Russell Crowe sucks, your money back!

We don't know what to make of AMC Theatres' new offer of "your money back" to film patrons who go to see Cinderella Man and end up not enjoying it. While such an offer seems a sincere show of support for the Universal Pictures effort directed by Ron Howard, we wonder if it doesn't diminish the cache of Russell Crowe. A money-back proposal like this seems more fitting for an indie film, not a big-budget, major motion picture starring an A-list leading man. Clearly, the tepid reviews have dampened enthusiasm for the film, but those didn't stop Titanic from being one of the top-grossing films of all-time. Maybe the reviews coupled with Crowe's outburst shortly after the film was released are what helped sink it. But as a marketing tool, this offer smacks of so much desperation we feel even less inclined to sit through Cinderella Man and aren't even sure we'd do so when it lands on cable.

—Posted by Kathleen Sampey

Published on June 30, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (3)

'Crazy Frog' ringtone is crazy expensive

In Europe, folks take their ringtones seriously: a simple electronic beeping will not do—the more elaborate the song the better. Now, according to a Reuters report, one of the most popular ringtones, which actually made it to the top of the pop music charts, is being investigated. When tots (lured by the cartoon frog on TV ads) purchase the ringtone over the Web, it turns out, they’re actually signing up for an expensive subscription service. The company that markets the ringtone has received over 100 complaints that the ads are misleading. One more reason that everyone should keep their phone, in AdFreak’s opinion, on vibrate.

—Posted by Mae Anderson

Published on June 30, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (7)
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Nerds aren’t out of the woods just yet

Nerds have seen their stock rise dramatically in the Information Age. PBS even did that series called Triumph of the Nerds, exploring “how youthful amateurs, hippies and self-proclaimed ‘nerds’ accidentally changed the world.” But even as many a nerd makes peace with his painfully wedgied past via a six-figure IT salary, it’s helpful to remember that nerds are not completely rehabilitated, image-wise, by any means. As we speak, Vonage is stirring up some anti-nerd sentiment with its online banners to emphasize that its broadband phone service isn’t technologically baffling. “5 minute installation. No contracts. No nerds. No problem,” it says under the headline. We can feel the popular kids rushing to sign up.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on June 30, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Be afraid, very afraid, of NBC Nightly News

Last night, while preparing dinner for the family, I decided I’d tune into the NBC Nightly News as a backdrop to the sound of me dicing onions. By the end of the broadcast, I was pretty convinced that the positioning of the new Brian Williams-helmed broadcast is this: to scare the beJesus out of people; viewers will be so scared they’ll miss news of some life-endangering terrorist threat/chemical/food, they’ll be afraid not to tune in night after night. First, there was a report about how two Stanford eggheads have published, in minute detail, how terrorists could contaminate the nation’s milk supply. Then the broadcast moved onto stories about the second case of Mad Cow in the U.S., and an interminable discussion about how Teflon—which it turns out is used in much more than frying pans—is made using a chemical that is a likely carcinogen. But why stop with extensive coverage of the scariest headlines of the day? Then it was time to move onto how easy it is for hackers to figure out people’s passwords, in a story that featured a computer programmer who himself had been duped by a bogus email purporting to be from PayPal that asked for some personal information. After simmering chicken vindaloo in our one Teflon-free skillet, I had to resist the urge to shutter myself in a dark closet, preferably one not filled with Gore-Tex jackets, which, as you may have guessed, also contain the Teflon-linked carcinogen.

—Posted by Catharine P. Taylor

Credit: Kevin Mazur/NBC

Published on June 30, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you need these, you need help

Needies, a line of stuffed animals produced by Codependent Designs, provide a fascinating glimpse into the minds of the insane. The company's Web site calls them “interactive plush dolls inspired by codependent, high-maintenance relationships” that “compete with each other for human affection.” Attention is rewarded with songs and flattery, but if one Needie gets too much attention, the others “will conspire to take its place.” Sometimes, they even encourage their owners to neglect and abuse other Needies. How do they do this? Each Needie has an electronic nervous system, allowing it to sing, talk and feel jealousy. You know, there was a time when people sought out other people for affection and when simulating destructive relationships through toys would have been grounds for forced psychiatric care. Sadly, these are no longer the times in which we live. As a result, few words can describe how weirded out I am right now. Suffice it to say that I will never understand the appeal of being nagged by a stuffed animal.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Published on June 30, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)
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Now batting, councilman Dave Fawcett

As politics degenerates into a blood sport, it’s only natural that someone would produce trading cards for it. Pittsburgh’s CivicCards is happy to oblige, printing glossy, colorful cards of elected officials as educational tools and, God willing, collectors items. The company is starting with local politicians but hopes to branch out into “sets for other cities or cards featuring the president and other federal officials.” Even though it reminds us a little of the old Iraq most-wanted cards, we like this idea. We only hope they don’t skimp on the fun facts. The exact measurements of Pat Toomey’s forehead? A list of jokes you can make with Dick Armey’s name? Al Gore’s planet of origin? All at your fingertips. Maybe they could do pundit cards, too. Now those would be keepers.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Published on June 29, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)
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Why do bad bands have such cool stuff?

Ever notice how the worst bands always have the coolest-looking stuff? Maybe they’re overly compensating, but awful musicians seem to grasp the fundamentals of marketing faster than everyone else. To me, a band’s merchandise—T-shirts, posters, stickers, buttons, etc.—should accurately reflect the quality of the band. Punk rock is one of the worst offenders, in that the lamest bands hawk all the tough-looking, DIY stuff. Good Charlotte, who’ve yet to release something even approaching real punk, have cool stuff including Level 27, a separate clothing line that caters to the “mascara and blood spatters” scenester crowd. The Casualties, an up-and-coming street punk band with crazy hair and negligible talent, have a mohawked skull logo that festoons their shirts, belt buckles and stickers. Again, the music lags behind. Who cares if they’ve been playing the exact same song forever? Twenty bucks will guarantee kids something that will offend their parents. The Misfits apply the same logic. They get worse (and lose band members) every year, but their stuff gets cooler and cooler. Thankfully, there is hope. Good bands with quality merchandise do still exist—they’re just harder to find. For example, North Carolina rockabilly band the Tremors sell glow-in-the-dark “Uranium Rock” shirts (in conjunction with an EP of the same name)—a fun gimmick with great campy artwork. As for their music, many North Carolinians consider them one of the best bands in the state. So let that be your guide into a world of quality entertainment.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Published on June 29, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (3)
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Saatchi collects celebrity scandal

Maybe Charles Saatchi should consider spending a little more time on the ad business, as it certainly seems a more noble pursuit than what he’s currently doing in the art world. According to a BBC report yesterday, the adman-cum-art-collector has purchased a painting of the place in Hollywood where Hugh Grant was arrested in 1995 for picking up a prostitute. But that’s not all. Saatchi earlier bought a work from the same artist—of the place where Winona Ryder was picked up for shoplifting a few years back. As one might expect, this genre of what could be called “scandal art” is being positioned as some sort of commentary about modern society. The artist, Dwayne Moser, says, “I am interested in turning the site of an off-screen event in a film star’s life into a backdrop—thus suggesting the very public nature of their ‘private’ lives.” And selling them for a tidy sum, we might add.

—Posted by Catharine P. Taylor

Published on June 29, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

A cure for cancer that can give you cancer

There's nothing like new cancer research to fill up column inches on a slow news day. On Tuesday, The New York Times reported on a new study that found that exposure to the sun reduces a man's risk of getting prostate cancer. Of course it also increases his chances of getting skin cancer.  Sun exposure, it turns out, prompts the body to produce Vitamin D, which inhibits prostate cancer cells. The Times story goes on at some length about the dangers of sun exposure to the skin and how men are probably better off taking a vitamin D supplement if they're worried about prostate cancer. The problem there is that no one really knows how much of the supplement has to be taken in order to be an effective inhibitor of prostate cancer. There are other steps men can take to ward off prostate cancer not mentioned in the Times article however. My urologist told me that the best prevention is to make sure that the gland is, well, stimulated. Early and often. He really said that. Forget the headache, honey, doctors orders! (You could also swear that medical studies show that going solo simply doesn’t have same health benefits, but that would be a lie.) Why do I have a strong suspicion The New York Post wouldn't have left that angle uncovered?

—Posted by Steve McClellan

Published on June 29, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

I’ll take the book proposal, hold the book

New York media types were abuzz last week when Women’s Wear Daily reported that Steve Florio was circulating a proposal for a book based on his days as an executive at Condé Nast—complete with bad-mouthing of erstwhile colleagues. Then, a report this Monday in The New York Times disclosed that Florio—abashed by publicity about the proposed book’s tell-all aspects—has decided not to write it after all. (Florio says that although he approved the text of the proposal, he didn’t write it himself.) Lost amid the idle gossip generated by this episode is an important principle: A book proposal is often far more satisfying than the book itself would be. Had Florio gone ahead with the book, it would have been a slog for him to write and for the rest of us to read. The book proposal, by contrast, has brought unalloyed pleasure to any number of people. How many actual books deserve such praise? One wishes, indeed, that there were a way to encourage the production of more book proposals and fewer books. Perhaps some enterprising publishing company could bring out a yearly anthology of proposals for books that have (thank heaven) remained unwritten. Or the folks at the National Book Award could bestow a National Unbook Award on the best such proposal. In discouraging the writing of bad books, they’d do at least as much for the cause of literature as they now accomplish by honoring good books.

—Posted by Mark Dolliver

Published on June 29, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Eating breakfast in style in Chicago

It’s not often that those of us in Flyoverland get something before our Big Apple brethren do. So let me be the first to gloat that Chicago has landed a Cereality cereal bar/restaurant before New York (where some AdFreaks are still anxiously awaiting a debut). I haven’t been there yet (it’s been open two days), but I’m intrigued by the concept, particularly the kind of experimentation that would give my mother fits—like putting malted milk balls on my cereal. (Don’t worry, Mom, I’m still a purist—bananas only.) Given that General Mills just last week announced a campaign to get kids to eat more cereal, it seems the time is right to reintroduce that old cult fave, Quisp, to the masses. Apparently, I also live in one of the few places that sells the brand in stores. Chicago truly is a great city.

—Posted by Aaron Baar

Published on June 29, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)

The top 100 spoofs of ‘Got milk?’

Got balls? Got booze? Got teeth? The “Got milk?” parodies are endless, and now they’ve been compiled into a top 100 list (shown here) by the “Got milk?” people themselves. (Click on the image for a larger version.) Jeff Manning of the California Milk Processor Board likes to use the phrase “stupid rip-offs” to describe the spoofs. But he’s known from the beginning that the parodies only add to the campaign’s momentum. “We love them,” Manning says. “They actually help us sell milk. Consumers hear ‘Got muscle?’ or ‘Got mongoose?’ and say, ‘What a stupid rip-off of ‘Got milk?’ ” You’ll be able to download this poster from the “Got milk?” Web site beginning July 1.

—Posted by Celeste Ward

Published on June 28, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (7)

The Bud campaign that keeps on giving

The Budweiser “True” campaign continues to pay dividends—this time for law-enforcement officials. We’ve just gotten word that a Massachusetts man convicted of killing a Boston police officer has been nabbed in Durham, N.H., after his vanity license plate gave him away. The license plate read: “WASSUP.” (If you have any interest in revisiting some of the old “Whassup” spoofs, click here. They’re still funny.)

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on June 28, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Perhaps subtlety isn’t a virtue after all

When lonely Londoner Jeremy Butler gave up on the bar scene and “the whole speed dating genre,” he decided that only a ridiculous, over-the-top gesture would reverse his dating fortunes. Specifically, he set up a stall on Crouch End Broadway in London, complete with a “Girlfriend wanted, apply here” banner and honest-to-God application forms. He got permission for his desperate stunt and “handed out more than 200 fliers advertising the ‘vacant position’ of his girlfriend.” And the results of his efforts? Well—and I can’t believe I’m saying this—they were successful. A BBC update confirms that Butler “got a whopping 93 phone numbers” and an actual date, along with encouragement from people of both sexes (as well as a sponsorship deal, evidently, from shipping company Addison Lee). Butler said the experience “really has changed [his] outlook on life.” I’m happy for him, but I hope this doesn’t spread to America. Enough people try to sell me things on the street as it is; seeing dating kiosks might just drive me over the edge.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Published on June 28, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)
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Bob Dylan signs deal with Starbucks

The latest musician to jump on the Starbucks gravy train is none other than the great Bob Dylan, once a counterculture god. The classic rocker’s new CD, Dylan: Live at the Gaslight 1962, will be available exclusively at Starbucks beginning on Aug. 30. Dylan joins an ever-growing list of musicians—including Joni Mitchell, Alanis Morissette and the late Ray Charles—who are turning to the coffee chain to hawk their CDs. The release of Gaslight coincides with a Martin Scorsese documentary of Dylan’s life and a new biography of the singer, Like a Rolling Stone: Bob Dylan at the Crossroads, by Greil Marcus. For fans of Dylan, the Starbucks news won’t come as a total shock. After all, the aging star could be seen creeping about with lingerie models in a Victoria’s Secret TV spot last year.

—Posted by Lisa van der Pool

Published on June 28, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

You’ve got a friend ... for five minutes

Let’s start by saying that the following phenomenon—like, say, bulimia—isn’t something we’re endorsing. We’re just shedding some light. Here goes: There’s a guy in Manhattan who has introduced what he calls “Speed Friending” to the many lonely souls wandering around the streets of New York. According to a story in today’s New York Post (a publication that seems particularly susceptible to writing about trend wannabes), Jared Nissim, who has also founded other networking programs such as The Lunch Club, has started these Speed Friending gatherings, with rules that remind us of a particularly relentless game of musical chairs—half the participants are assigned to stations within a bar while the other half rotate from station to station, talking at each one for five minutes with the stationer. (We’re not sure that’s the right terminology, but this is all so new.) At the end of the evening, some genuine friendships have begun—or not. To us, the real genius here isn’t that someone’s found another way for Manhattanites to meet each other; it’s that he has actually managed to repackage what used to be called bar hopping and convince people it’s something new.

—Posted by Catharine P. Taylor

Published on June 28, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Advertisers latch on to Gay Pride Parade

Sunday’s Gay Pride Parade in New York was more than just an opportunity for gay men and women to celebrate their culture by removing key articles of clothing. There was also advertising—and lots of it. Scattered among the ads for gay events (like Trolls: the Musical), gay organizations (like martial-arts clubs and S&M clubs) and gay services (like rentboy.com, a male-escort service named after a demeaning term for male prostitutes) were all sorts of mainstream brands, from Starbucks to Macy’s to Pepsi. Which makes us wonder: Is this welcome proof that more companies are becoming gay-friendly, or is the parade becoming overly commercialized? Perhaps both.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Published on June 28, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)
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Scientology’s celebrity problem

The Church of Scientology needs a new face. After months of couch-hopping and maniacal laughter, Tom Cruise has managed to talk his religion of choice into the spotlight—but not one founding father L. Ron Hubbard might have coveted. According to the first part in a four-part series on Scientology by Salon, Hubbard caught on quickly to the marketing power of celebrity. Recruit a star on the rise, and the star might attribute his or her success to the church. Catch a celeb on the decline, and he or she could also credit any comeback to Scientology. Still, the church hasn’t done a fantastic job shaping the face such public figures put on the religion. Consider disco-dancing flyboy John Travolta, who bought an $11 million zeppelin for Christmas and parks a jet in his backyard. Or Fat Actress Kirstie Alley, who scored a TV series and endorsement deal only after her ballooning weight got her plastered all over the tabloids. From the perspective of Joe Public, the celebs in Scientology’s stable don’t seem terribly, well, stable. Each adds his or her own particular dash of crazy to a religion regarded by some to be no more than a cult founded by a sci-fi writer. If the Scientologists really want an air of legitimacy, maybe they should ask Cruise to take a step back and their lower-profile members to take a step forward. (The second part of the series is up on Salon today—read it here.)

—Posted by Deanna Zammit

Published on June 28, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Metros and retros, but nothing in between

You may have missed this Cannes alert: Men are in trouble! Half the men in most parts of the world don’t know what is expected of them in society, and three-quarters of them think images of men in advertising are out of touch with reality, according to a new study by Leo Burnett, which may know a thing or two about masculinity, having created the Marlboro Man. This news comes in the midst of a duel for the dominant male image between pink-shirted metrosexuals and beer-swilling “retrosexuals” (easily the dumbest social classification in recent history). Like many men, Burnett chairman Tom Bernardin knows that adapting to a newly feminized social structure is tough, and he wants the ad business to reflect the changes. “The last thing we want,” he said in Cannes, “is to look back in 10 years and find that we have unwittingly created the same clichés that female advertising is riddled with.” Too late, Tom. The message I’ve gotten throughout my life regarding men is that we are idiots mired in emotional infancy and slavishly devoted to our baser urges. If our only other choice is to be prissy, overly fashion-conscious twits, then we are in serious trouble.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Published on June 27, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)
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Good news/bad news for the Beckhams

We have several brand Beckham updates today. First comes word that legions of parents across the U.S. are choosing Brooklyn as a baby name, just as English supercouple David and Victoria Beckham did six years ago. (The Beckhams chose it as a boy’s name, but it is proving usable for girls as well.) “We thought it was pretty,” says nursing aide Lynn Wattier, who lives in O’Neill, Neb., population 3,733. We’re thankful the Beckhams did not conceive their son in Poughkeepsie, but we hope this does not become a larger trend of celebrity imitation, in the interest of not crowding our kindergartens with Apples, Pirates, Banjos, Ryders and Roccos. In a less sanguine development for the Beckhams, David is facing a legal battle over who owns the rights to his tattoos. A body artist named Louis Malloy, who designed and inked nine of the tattoos, including the famous guardian angel on his upper back, says he will sue if the images show up in an ad campaign.

—Posted by Celeste Ward

Photo: David Wimsett/UPPA/Zuma/Newscom

Published on June 27, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)
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Order now and you’ll get something free!

It’s just miraculous how stumbling across the right Web site can solve so many of life’s nagging problems. We experienced just such a miracle this morning while looking for a link to Ionic Breeze for the post below. It’s a Web site called As Seen on TV Store 1, featuring not only the aforementioned Breeze but the Fat Blaster, the Oreck Air Purifier, the weight-loss pill Propolene, the Juiceman and the many products from the Body by Jake line. Excuse us now, as we’d like to place an order for the Bun & Thigh MAX.

—Posted by Catharine P. Taylor

Published on June 27, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

‘Parade’ readers agree: ban commercials

Parade finally ran responses this week to Norman Mailer’s suggestion in its Jan. 23 issue that TV commercials be banned to save America’s kids. (We will refrain from pondering why it took five months.) Mailer’s problem wasn’t with the content of commercials, necessarily, but with their constant interruption. He argued that this makes it hard for children to learn to focus and therefore to learn. His answer was to make people pay for all TV content. (Tell that to someone who’s already having trouble paying the bills.) To what we assume will be no one’s surprise, readers generally agreed with Mailer. True, we don’t like it when our offspring suddenly has a hankering for the Pop-Tarts he saw advertised on TV or even for the Ionic Breeze (which, for reasons that are unclear to us, is one of the biggest advertisers on the Cartoon Network). But we also wonder how most parents would get by without the occasional use of the TV as babysitter, commercials and all.

—Posted by Catharine P. Taylor

Published on June 27, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Anything that bobbles is a winner

Perhaps it’s the influence of co-owner Bill Murray, but whatever the reason, the Brockton Rox come up with some of the more fun marketing ideas. The Brockton, Mass., minor-league baseball team brought 45-year-old Dennis “Oil Can” Boyd out of retirement this year to pitch his first pro game in eight years—and drew more than 4,000 fans to his debut over Memorial Day weekend. Now the team is making hay with a Curt Schilling figurine dubbed the Bobble Ankle, which has a flimsy ankle instead of a bobbing head. The team wanted to do something to recognize Schilling’s World Series heroics. “The problem was, there’s nothing fun about a bloody sock,” says Rox team president Jim Lucas. The team has sold 3,700 dolls in two months—with half of the proceeds going to Schilling’s Pitch for ALS foundation and his wife Shonda’s SHADE foundation for skin-cancer awareness.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on June 27, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Say it ain't so: Darrin Stephens, actor?

Speaking of disappointment with the latest movie retread (see Herbie post below), Bewitched fails to fall into AdFreak's must-see category because the industry we love so much figures to have a less-than-prominent role. A perusal of today's (generally mediocre) reviews of the film tells us Will Ferrell plays an actor trying to get a job as Darrin Stephens for the TV series. Well, score one for marginal originality, but that setup is likely to cut out a key part of the original series: specifically the shenanigans at advertising agency McMann & Tate. Paying scant attention earlier, we were sort of looking forward to Ferrell as the put-upon ad exec working for the ever toadying Larry Tate, not to mention lots of dated humor about heavy drinking. We can only hope actor Steve Carrell, whoever he is, can pull of an Uncle Arthur half as campy as Paul Lynde's. (Incidentally, extensive research done for this post turns up the fact that he actor who played Tate, David White, got a sendoff worthy of his alter-ego's, well, ego.

—Posted by Trevor Jensen

Published on June 24, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

A penny saved is a penny earned

From Flomation, Ala. comes a guy who perfectly illustrates the whole selling point of Coinstar, which makes those machines in banks and grocery stores that count coins. Gas station owner Edmond Knowles saved up more than a million pennies over 38 years, and Wednesday cashed them in for over $13,000, setting a new Coinstar record. He plans to add the proceeds to his retirement fund. I hope no one in the bank was in line for the Coinstar machine and got stuck behind Ed, as processing all of those pennies took over seven hours. The total bounty, stored in 55-gallon drums, weighed more than 4 tons.

—Posted by Celeste Ward

Published on June 24, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (3)