Wienermobile escapes after a close call

It’s no secret that they take their cheese pretty seriously up in Wisconsin, but sausage is probably a close second. That was proven once again this week when the city council in Madison was considering a bill to ban mobile advertising in the city. Sounded pretty good—until one alderman thought of hometown business Oscar Mayer. “Are we banning Little Oscar?” Tim Bruer asked, according to reports. The thought of banishing the Wienermobile from the city limits was enough to send the proposal to defeat by a 12-7 vote. Other than being chomped, an encased meat product hasn’t had such a close brush with danger in Wisconsin since the Italian Sausage was whacked by a Pittsburgh Pirate during a Milwaukee Brewers between-innings stunt a couple of years ago. The Madison council’s move was the second big victory for sausage lovers this week; earlier, two Chicago companies, Vienna Beef and Alpha Baking, agreed to finally produce packages containing equal numbers of hot dogs and buns. With Memorial Day approaching, all appears right for a successful summer of grilling in the Midwest.

—Posted by Trevor Jensen

Published on May 20, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)
Filed under Oscar Mayer

Care enough to (secretly) send the best

Until now, the best way to convey one’s feelings for “the other woman”—or the other man, or both, or whatever the case may be—has been to dedicate a song on the local lite-rock station’s “Pillow Talk” program. So AdFreak is delighted to discover a new line of greeting cards designed especially for one’s significant extramarital other. The new Secret Lover Collection, brought to you by ad-industry vet Cathy Gallagher (married, with children) and Jim Grove, includes holiday cards with heartfelt sentiments like “As we each celebrate with our families, I will be thinking of you” and, for that special colleague, “The weekend apart is finally over.” There are “We just can’t go on like this anymore” cards, too, perfect for leaving in the live-in nanny’s gym bag or beneath an office-mate’s wiper blade. The cards are a little harder to find than, say, a Shoebox Greeting. But at less than $3 a pop, we suspect those lite-rock dedication shows are about to feel some serious competition.

—Posted by Randi Schmelzer

Published on May 20, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

What’s with the sexist ‘Got milk?’ spot?

At first, “Milk to the Rescue,” the latest “Got milk?” spot from Goodby, Silverstein & Partners, is pretty amusing. Men frantically buy gallon upon gallon of milk, one even strapping cartons to his dog, as a love song plays in the background. One guys sneaks in to his home, frightened, with a boatload of milk and a bouquet of flowers and says tentatively, “Honey, I’m home!” A voiceover then tells us that calcium helps reduce symptoms of PMS. Get it? Buy a ton of milk, and tame that bitch at home! Hey, clever! Great stuff! It’s from Goodby, so it can’t help but be great, right? But then it sinks in—how sexist is that? Is this just another example of men advertising to other men, with the underlying message that women are psycho and evil, isn’t it a pain in the ass to deal with them, blah, blah, blah? How about saving this stuff for beer, cars and razor ads?

—Posted by Celeste Ward

Published on May 20, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (39)

Don’t mess with space, says the FAA

God, it’s been a while since that little package of Beef Jerky was delivered to the International Space Station. Those were the good old days. Space marketing isn’t looking quite as promising this morning, with news that the Federal Aviation Administration is not especially hip to the idea of billboards in space, whatever their supposed redeeming qualities might be. (The FAA is actually seeking to amend its own rules, which currently do not allow it to regulate such advertising.) “Objects placed in orbit, if large enough, could be seen by people around the world for long periods of time,” the FAA says. Well, yes, that’s kind of the point. “Large advertisements could destroy the darkness of the night sky,” they add. Oh, right. Maybe not such a great idea after all.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on May 20, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Lowest moments, caught on camera phone

The theme of the morning is embarrassing moments. Sony Ericsson in the U.K. has organized an embarrassing picture contest to promote its digital-camera phones. The site, called the Shame Academy, seems to have just gone up, so it’s pretty barren at this point (and some of the photos don’t look like they were taken by phones). But the categories of pictures to come are somewhat amusing: “One Too Many,” “It Must Be Love,” “Doh!,” “You Don’t Want to Do That,” “It’s a Set Up” and “What the Hell Is That?” “Yup,” says the site, “send us those shots you have of drinking hi-jinks or comedy shaped fruit antics and we’ll stick ’em on the site for everyone to laugh at.”

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on May 20, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Those embarrasing bathroom moments

Ever slip and fall into the tub while cleaning it? Drop your cell phone or keys in the toilet? Been caught in compromising situations in the bathroom? Sure, we all have, and it’s not something we usually share, especially not with strangers. Georgia-Pacific is trying to change that by offering $10,000 and a year’s supply of Angel Soft toilet paper to the person whose bathroom story is the most mortifying. GP has launched this Web site for people to submit video clips and to vote for their favorite ones. The winner of the “Hilarious Bathroom Blunder” contest will get the prize money. One lucky voter, selected at random, will get a $15,000 bathroom makeover from the company. The contest is supported with a survey of 1,119 mothers nationwide about their bathroom experiences. Their most common bathroom blunder? Falling into the toilet because the previous user, most assuredly a lunkheaded man, left the toilet seat up. About 85 percent of the women surveyed said that has happened to them.

—Posted by Jim Lovel

Published on May 20, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)

McDonald’s gets high on fruits and walnuts

Even stranger than McDonald’s introducing a Fruit & Walnut Salad are the ads touting it. Eating fruit because it tastes good and is good for you isn’t enough, apparently. These ads say it gives you a “fruit buzz.” “You know that ‘I can wear my skinny jeans’ feeling? It’s kinda like that,” copy on one reads. “A ‘Fruit Buzz’ is a change in attitude and an overall happy feeling you get after tasting the new Fruit & Walnut Premium Salad,” the press release explains earnestly. Yeah, we get that happy feeling, too—by avoiding McDonald’s altogether. Dave Letterman poked fun at the ads on Tuesday night, saying McDonald’s is also coming out with a deep-fried Fruit & Walnut Salad and a Sausage and Egg Fruit & Walnut Salad. Yum!

—Posted by Mae Anderson

Published on May 19, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)
Filed under Anderson

A Jedi mind trick that really works

Only the most foolish bounty hunter would dare to play 20 Questions with Darth Vader—until now. As part of the latest viral Burger King campaign, you too can interact with the Dark Lord formerly known as Anakin, in a game called The Sith Sense. You think of an animal, vegetable or mineral (or “unknown” or “other”), and Lord Vader tries to guess it by asking you questions, and also teasing you a little bit, as he is wont to do. The technology seems to be working fine—his evilness guessed what we were thinking after just 17 questions.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on May 19, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (9)

A word from the world’s finest club

Given the dire state of affairs at Manchester United, with Malcolm Glazer provoking anger, despair, outrage and thrown plates of fish ’n’ chips among actual and honorary Mancunians everywhere, we thought we’d reprise this nice civilized Man U ad, created by Creature in Seattle for the team’s tour of the U.S. a few years back. Whether Glazer’s takeover will disrupt the club’s proud legacy, or the bottom lines of its sponsors, is hard to say. At this point, we’re just hoping they beat Arsenal in Saturday’s F.A. Cup final.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on May 19, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)
Filed under Creature

Sublime (and ridiculous) mission statements

David Burn over at AdPulp is doing an amusing series on “outstanding mission statements”—those corporate credos that ride the fine line between glorious aspiration and utter hogwash. (Type “mission statements” into AdPulp’s search function to read the complete series.) Burn has found interesting statements of self from companies like Patagonia, American Apparel, the Billboard Liberation Front and Bruce Mau Design. The PETA-unfriendly stance taken by Wichita, Kan., ad agency Sullivan Higdon & Sink—the latest in the series—is our favorite. “We hate sheep,” it begins. “Not because they’re fat, lazy creatures that smell bad when it rains. No, we hate sheep because they remind us of marketing that’s content to follow instead of lead. Advertising that’s happy to be quiet, blend in with the flock and go completely unnoticed.” It concludes, “We believe sheep marketing slowly starves the brand that pays for it. Bottom line: Sheep kill brands dead. And that’s why we hate ’em.”

—Posted by Lisa van der Pool

Published on May 19, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)

The state of the celebrity fashion endorser

The New York Times weighs in this morning on the state of the celebrity fashion endorser, looking at Gap’s decision to replace the aging (but still lovable) Sarah Jessica Parker with (young enough to be her daughter) Joss Stone, and exploring some other high-profile celebrity/designer marriages. The article gives voice to critics who say fashion companies often slip up in choosing endorsers because they rely too heavily on their creative executives’ tastes rather than on market research. (“Whereas marketers in other fields might spend weeks or months vetting potential endorsers, using consumer surveys and focus groups, fashion companies commonly rely on a designer’s instinct, a strategy that some say does not necessarily work.”) Oh, and the story misspells Eric Hirshberg’s name, too.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on May 19, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here’s one ‘pod’ that isn’t so fashionable

As the iPod continues its global reign, another “pod” appears to be sliding sadly into obscurity. The coffee pod—the round, individual packet of coffee grounds that makes exactly one cup of coffee—was supposed to revolutionize java as we know it. But consumers aren’t taking to it. Dry coffee pods are not sleek hipster accessories. In fact, they remind us of those cheap business hotels that leave USA Today outside your door in the morning. The NPD Group wondered if coffee pods might “relegate drip-coffee makers to the shelf next to the percolator.” (Hey, my Italian nonna in her huge suburban mansion still uses a percolator! But her living room set is also the height of 1974 decor. But we digress.) However, while awareness among coffee drinkers increased from 40 percent last June to 65 percent in February, intent to purchase declined slightly in that time. Coffee lovers said the pods weren’t compatible with their existing machines, and the pod machines were expensive. “Individually, these may not be major issues, but taken together, they could spell trouble,” the NPD report says.

—Posted by Celeste Ward

Published on May 19, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Mad Dogs spin-off for sale on eBay!

With Mad Dogs & Englishmen on the brink of closing, the spin-off venture known as Mad Injection seems to be up for sale—on eBay. The posting reads, in part: “Don’t your clients deserve the best? Don’t your new business people deserve to have excitement as part of their pitch? Don’t you deserve to start having fun at work again? Well it can all be a reality—for the right price, baby.” If that’s not enough incentive, they’re also offering “a few nice computers, a stack of unmarked pads and 3 new black markers.” Wow. The “Buy It Now” price is a mere $10 million. (There’s also what eBay calls a “hidden reserve price” in effect, but don’t let that scare you off.) It’s a 10-day listing, starting today. So if you want Mikal Reich and friends working for you, get cracking!

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on May 18, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Hankering for early ‘Star Wars’ radio ads?

Perhaps you believe the Star Wars franchise has, in fact, defiled itself through marketing whoredom. Perhaps you don’t want a midget Han Solo. You haven’t got time for Chewbacca ringtones. You pine for an earlier, simpler time—the late 1970s, for example, when Stormtroopers were Stormtroopers, and Yoda was made of rubber. If so, then you might just enjoy these original radio ads for the first Star Wars movie, courtesy of a blog called “A Small Victory.” Traveling through hyperspace isn’t like dusting crops, boy!

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on May 18, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Jeff Zucker vs. a full-page CBS ad

CBS got some added value with its full-page ad in Monday’s business section of The New York Times—at NBC’s expense. The front page of the section had a story about NBC falling from first to last in the ratings this season. The story continued on page six, along with a big photo of NBC’s Jeff Zucker, looking a little forlorn and casting a sidelong glance in the direction of page seven. What was on page seven? The CBS ad, with 50-point type proclaiming, “CBS Wins.” At the bottom of the ad, CBS took a very civic-minded tone, warning readers that “this week you’ll be hearing a lot of claims and spin” about this season and next. In between the headline and the warning, of course, was a bushel of claims and spin about which categories CBS was No. 1 in—pretty much every one by the way, including rich people and total viewers (by the widest margin in 16 years!). No wonder Jeff was looking glum. But by Monday afternoon, he was looking better, on stage at Radio City Music Hall, presenting NBC’s new fall schedule. First to last? Phooey! “Our core schedule is incredibly solid,” he said. “All we’re missing is one red-hot show.” Now that’s what I call spin.

—Posted by Steve McClellan

Published on May 18, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

No three cheers for this double trilogy

People who managed to be uninterested in the first five Star Wars movies (and our name is legion) have an extra incentive for being uninterested in the sixth: This cinematic franchise now consists of not one but two trilogies. It’s not that a trilogy is necessarily a bad or a silly thing. Sophocles, for instance, is thought to have done some nice work in that vein as he put Oedipus and company through the wringer. But there’s an inescapable note of the ridiculous in using something as monumental as a trilogy to package something as lightweight as pop culture. In This Is Spinal Tap, one telling clue that the boys in the band are pretentious knuckleheads comes when Nigel Tufnel says a chord progression he’s noodling with is “part of a trilogy, a musical trilogy that I’m doing in D minor, which I always find is the saddest of all keys.” The laughter this elicited from moviegoers ought to stand as a warning to all would-be trilogists.

—Posted by Mark Dolliver

Published on May 18, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

BK promo turns Han Solo into a midget

Generally, my interest in all things Star Wars is decidedly—what’s the word?—non-existent. But apparently even I have my standards, as I discovered over the weekend while dropping by a Burger King (without a huge blow-up Darth Vader on its roof) and securing a promotional Star Wars toy for our 7-year-old. It took me a while, as he flew the toy around the backseat of the minivan, to realize who, or what, it was. But, no, it’s unthinkable! It was that hunky Han Solo/Harrison Ford character rendered ... as ... a ... midget! A midget wind-up toy! (Gasp!) I mean, the dude is so short and squat he’s got panty lines on his rear end, not to mention his head is 25 percent longer than his body. (This is just an estimate, mind you, but the head is positively massive.) This unfortunate, um, interpretation of Harrison Ford was lost on my son, of course. But Mom was speechless.

—Posted by Catharine P. Taylor

Published on May 18, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (4)
Filed under Burger King

Mets launch broken-windshield campaign

The new-look New York Mets are actually following through on their plans for funkier marketing. A fun new portion of the team’s campaign launches today. In Queens, Manhattan and Long Island, the windshields of parked cars will look like they’ve been shattered, as though errant baseballs have crashed through them—thanks to realistic-looking Ogilvy & Mather decals. Attached to the windshields are what look like hand-written notes from Mets sluggers. Says the one from Carlos Beltran: “I’m new here, and that left-field wall at Shea is shorter than I thought. Again, my apologies. See you at the ballpark.” (The New York Post has the scoop on this story, and you can read it here, but first you have to fill out an annoying new free-registration form.)

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on May 18, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Freudian nightmare or Crunch ad?

We’ve done flight attendants. We’ve done bikini-clad real-estate agents. So, to continue our current obsession with skimpy clothing, it’s time to look at these Crunch Fitness ads with people in their underwear. The health-club chain, known for classes like “Firefighter Workout,” “Cardio Striptease” and “Ruff Yoga” (which involves dogs), has a new campaign that features allegedly average people posing in their underwear and expressing their freedom. One ad shows some guy doing a karate kick and the line, “Be free like the Ninja.” (There’s even an in-your-underwear aerobics event scheduled in Chicago on Thursday.) The company, which has locations in L.A., New York, Chicago, San Francisco, Miami and Atlanta, is also waving initiation fees for anyone who brings in a pair of clean, new underwear, to be donated to Undershare, a non-profit dedicated to giving underwear to the needy. The whole thing reminds me of that old motherly advice about always wearing clean underwear in case you’re in a car accident. But really, isn’t underwear antithetical to “being free.”

—Posted by Aaron Baar

Published on May 17, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Beware the finger-scanning cash registers

Allegedly unstable Wendy’s customers, take note: Cub Foods is testing a payment system in which it can access your checking account by scanning your finger at the register. Now, clearly this is an amazing advance, based on something called biometric data. Still, we’re not feeling that good about it. Maybe it’s just us, but finger-scanning technology conjures up scenes from nightmarish sci-fi movies: Gattaca, for example, in which the drones were ID-ed via blood samples from their fingertips; or the end of The Dead Zone, where (spoiler alert) Martin Sheen threatens to hack off the other dude’s hand if he won’t provide a hand-print as part of the key sequence to start nuclear war. Evidently, Cub Foods’ customers have been watching more wholesome movies, as they seem to express few reservations. As one of them said to the Minneapolis Star Tribune: “I feel secure because it’s always my finger that is making it work. And I always have [my finger] with me.”

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on May 17, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Selling real estate, California style

Real-estate agents aren’t known as a bikini-wearing bunch, but maybe they should be. Wendy Heath, seller of houses (and possibly tracts of land as well), says traffic to her Web site has spiked 400 percent since she put up a billboard in which she flashes a little skin. The ad has polarized the Long Beach, Calif., realtor community. “A couple of agents are having a fit about it, but that’s because they just didn’t think of it first,” says Heath, who had to switch jobs before putting the board up. Says her former boss: “Sex sells, but not in real estate. I’m always somebody who likes people to think out of the box, but I told her she was going the wrong direction.”

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on May 17, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Are Manchester Utd.’s sponsors in trouble?

Hostile takeovers are supposed to happen to widget manufacturers, not to the flesh and blood of athletic prowess. American Malcolm Glazer has taken control of the storied Manchester United soccer club, and the team’s fans are enraged and shocked. (Imagine if some obscure German financier succeeded in an unwanted bid for the Yankees.) Even though Glazer (shown here) launched his Tampa Bay Buccaneers to Super Bowl glory, United’s fans worry that his bottom-line priorities and massive acquisition debt will compromise their star-studded team. (Also, like most of his fellow Americans, Glazer reportedly has no personal interest in soccer.) While the Floridian has bought enough shares to take the publicly listed team private, some fanatical fans think they can still pressure Glazer to sell his more than 75 percent stake by boycotting team sponsors like Vodafone, Nike, Budweiser and Audi. But just as no one’s quite sure how much team affiliation has done to move those sponsors’ products, it’s unlikely that boycott efforts will have much effect on the sale of Bud, cross-trainers or TTs. Fans can now only hope United’s players keep their focus and competitive edge so sponsors don’t walk out on them.

—Posted by Noreen O’Leary

Published on May 17, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)
Filed under O'Leary

World travelers look to FedEx Kinko’s

If you’ve recently suffered the embarrassment of traveling with an expired passport or, God forbid, you don’t even have one, AdFreak is here to tell you that part of the process has gotten much easier. And if you’re a U.S. citizen, you may as well apply for one, because come Dec. 31, 2005, all travel to and from the Caribbean, Bermuda and Central and South America will require a U.S. passport. “So what?” you think. Well, come Dec. 31, 2006, you won’t be able to drive to Canada for a dose of good neighborliness or hightail it down to Tijuana for some ribald reverie without a U.S. passport either. OK, now that we have your attention, here’s what we think makes the whole process easier (aside from picking up an application at your local post office). After doing a Google search for “places to get passports photos in lower Manhattan,” FedEx Kinko’s popped up among the first three listings. Who knew? And at two mug shots for $14, the price is about the same as it was 20 years ago. What’s even better is that in the age of digital photography, the kindly FedEx Kinko’s photog will redo the photo if you don’t like it, at no extra charge. We didn’t like either of two photos snapped but opted for the more “serious” look, so as not to annoy the poor person. Note to BBDO, which handles FedEx Kinko’s advertising: It’s not a bad idea to get the timely passport-photo message across in ads, eh?

—Posted by Kathleen Sampey

Published on May 17, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Get your Runaway Bride action figure!

At last, savvy marketers have found a way to make a buck off the bizarre story of Jennifer Wilbanks, the runaway Georgia bride. From Atlanta comes “Jennifer’s High Tailin’ Hot Sauce,” aiming at curing cold feet. And from a Connecticut manufacturer, there’s the $24.99 Runaway Bride action figure. The doll comes with jogging pants, a “Vegas, Baby” T-shirt and a striped towel to cover her face from TV cameras (no slip-off three-carat diamond engagement ring?). For the record, if anyone were to hop a Greyhound in terror, a shindig like Wilbanks had planned seems like a good reason. With 14 attendants, 600 invitations and eight bridal showers, this wedding sounded like something Sigfried and Roy would call elaborate. Where was she registered? Just how many KitchenAids does one couple need? And how was Jennifer ever going to write 600 thank-you notes? AdFreak would like to see the Pissed-Off Bridesmaid dolls or the Weeping Caterer, since the guy probably planned on retiring with the cash he would have made.

—Posted by Celeste Ward

Published on May 16, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)

United flight attendants strip over pensions

Unlike the women of Enron, Home Depot or Wal-Mart, the women of United Airlines aren’t waiting for Playboy to call. Five United flight attendants have created their own risque calendar to publicize their plight after United said it plans to terminate $9.8 billion worth of employee pension obligations. The “Stewardesses Stripped” calendar doesn’t mention United specifically, but the message comes across loud and clear. “Coffee, tea, or me without a pension?” reads copy with one of the photos. (The five women are selling their calendar here, although the site currently seems to be having trouble. You can read more on this site, run by a guy calling himself a friend of the five women.)

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Photo: Bruce Baker

Published on May 16, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)