‘1 million pixels of hotness’

As the number of Million Dollar Homepage imitators itself approaches a million, this one at least gave us a chuckle: The Million Pixel Booty. “Why spend your advertising dollars on a boring gray background?” the site asks, when you can have “1 million pixels of hotness!” The site is charging $1 per pixel ($100 per box) to place ads on the woman, and 1 cent per pixel ($1 per box) for anywhere else on the page. (Note the classy guy who bought the space between the woman’s legs.) One problem, of course: The more ads the site sells, the less enticing it will be for guys to visit.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on October 7, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (10)

Dell dude: Pot bust ended my ‘vicious downward spiral’

We only just stumbled on this today: an interview with Ben Curtis, aka the Dell dude, published a few weeks ago on Playbill’s Web site. (It’s the second item down on the page.) Curtis has just wrapped a six-week run in a gay-themed off-Broadway play called Joy. In the interview, he reveals that his parents’ marriage fell apart after his father came out, and that he, like his character, has “experimented” with his sexuality. (“I appreciate men just as much as women,” he says, “but I lean toward the female side.”) He also describes his years as the Dell dude as a particularly dark time. “Suddenly everyone was recognizing me and yelling at me,” he says. “It was very traumatic. I had moved into Ground Zero before Sept. 11. I really needed to get help and therapy, but the Dell commercials exploded. It was too much, too soon. I got arrested for buying a small amount of marijuana, and it was horrible. I spent the night in jail and was handcuffed to a wheelchair in Bellevue. But it was great because it helped put a stop to a vicious downward spiral I was going through.”

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Photo: Gary Suson

Published on October 7, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Sinéad threatens Andie MacDowell with the clippers

We never thought twice about Andie MacDowell’s L’Oréal hair-care ads, but it seems Sinéad O’Connor has been seething about them. “I absolutely hate those hair commercials she’s done. They drive me crazy. She looks so prim and proper,” says O’Connor, as quoted on the Contactmusic.com Web site. “If I ever get the opportunity to meet her, I’m going to shave all her hair off.” That may seem like an empty threat, but MacDowell would do well to steer clear of the Irish singer. O’Connor famously shaved her own head after a music-industry executive complimented her on her long hair.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Photo: Getty Images/Newscom

Published on October 7, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Let POM juice be your subway savior

Now that a New Yorker’s choice of seat on the subway could be a matter of life and death, riders will want as much luck going for them as possible. As such, we predict that many will choose (as one AdFreak straphanger did this morning) to sit under a current transit ad for Pom Wonderful pomegranate juice. The ad’s headline (referring to Pom’s plentiful antioxidants): “Cheat death.” This somehow seems to generate more protective karma than those ubiquitous ads for the dermatological ministrations of Dr. Zizmor.

—Posted by Mark Dolliver

Published on October 7, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Blogger comes to defense of Jeeves

When IAC CEO Barry Diller confirmed last month that the company would do away with the butler mascot at Ask Jeeves, he added a gratuitous jibe: “I don’t see many tears on the floor.” Not so. One anonymous former Ask Jeeves employee has taken up a campaign to save the dapper butler with, what else, a blog. On it, the unnamed Jeevesophile explains his motivation as pure loyalty after “many years of service to the butler.” The site has gained some momentum, with a 2,100-word post—nay, manifesto—in Jeeves’ defense drawing 118 mostly positive comments, including the succinct “Preach it brother! Save the butler!” and a few nitpickers who point out Jeeves is actually a valet, in the strictest sense. Far be it from AdFreak to pooh-pooh grassroots activism, but it seems like the butler’s fate is squarely in the hands of Barry, a full-fledged media mogul who doesn’t seem all that fond of our man Jeeves, even in his newly slimmed-down and swarthy incarnation. No word on what's to become of the Jeeves balloon that's been featured in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

—Posted by Brian Morrissey

Published on October 7, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)
Filed under Morrissey

The real curse of the underground mutton

We read this morning that the great posters for Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (tagline: “Something wicked this way hops”) are not welcome in one small England town due to local superstitions there. It’s an unwritten rule on the island town of Portland in Dorset that no one use the word rabbit, as the animals have been known since olden times to cause landslides in area quarries with their burrowing. Instead, the people call them “underground mutton” or “furry things.” (Back in the day, if a rabbit were spotted near a quarry, the quarryman would pack up and go home.) The only poster allowed in the area was placed just off the island and reads, “Something bunny is going on.” Aardman Animations is also removing the offending word from ads in neighboring towns.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on October 7, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)
Filed under Aardman

Svedka site a big 'Svo what?'

My curiousity piqued by yesterday's New York Post headline—"Svedka and 'Femme Bot' Likely to Offend Everyone,"—I journeyed to the far-out svedka.com site today to meet the femme bot. After first typing in my birthdate, I was dismayed to learn that in 2033, the year in which the site is set, I will be 56. After that bad news, the rest of the site seemed less than charming; it's loaded with copy that's overwritten, questionably edited and not as humorous as it thinks it is—detailing what goes on in the years leading up to 2033: In 2031, for example, "the Gay Man's Fashion Gene [was] discovered. The Gay Man's Fashion Gene led to the hot, able-bodied, but horribly dressed, heterosexual community. A few years later it was sold over-the-counter making the male population more desirable than females. Ushering in the era of Men's Night sponsored by Svedka." Uh, what? All the copy is just a lead-in to the pictures of the glass-and-plastic Svedka girl (who you can download), and "future drinks" full of bad, suggestive puns. So, am I offended? No. Just a little bored.   

—Posted by Mae Anderson

Published on October 6, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)
Filed under Anderson

For Pepto dancers, it hurts so good

As if the commercial weren’t bad enough, Pepto-Bismol’s “nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea” dancers have made it to the Web. Visitors to the “Pepto-Bismol Dance Machine” can place three dancers in any of four settings (gym, park, office, street) and smite them with five types of gastric distress. The three do their little Macarena-like dance, looking extremely pained at first, then exuberant, thanks to the Pepto. (“Pink does more than you think!”) Who, exactly, will want to “Tell a friend” about this?

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on October 6, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (4)

A benefit song that's truly scary

In what may be the first-ever charity-parody, a group of musicians, including Beck, Sum 41, Sonic Youth, Malcolm McLaren and the Arcade Fire will release “Do They Know It’s Halloween?” next Monday. With lyrics such as, “Latvia, Laos, Chad, Peru, we need their help or else we’re through. They don’t know the fear, we endure once a year all hallow’s eve, we are afraid!”, it’s an amusing send-up of that other holiday-themed charity song. You can hear it here. Proceeds will go to UNICEF.

—Posted by Catharine P. Taylor

Published on October 6, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Vote for your favorite closeted gay cartoon character

The latest Great Things Poll on Bravo’s Great Things About Being Queer show is truly a worthwhile use of brain power. Consider the following options for “Who is your favorite closeted gay cartoon character?” Stewie Griffin (Family Guy), Peppermint Patty (Peanuts), Waylon Smithers (The Simpsons), Snagglepuss, Velma (Scooby Doo), and Stimpy (Ren & Stimpy).  Kudos to the poll creators for getting the sexually ambiguous Peppermint Patty in there, and she may trump Velma, often referred to as “the first animated lesbian.” (We're troubled, however, that there's no way to do a write-in vote for SpongeBob.) But if you’re voting on the degree of closetedness, Snagglepuss is about as covert as this guy. And it’s no secret where Smithers is at either. By the way, AdFreak’s vote is going to Smithers, just for his sheer devotion to evil boss C. Montgomery Burns. Stewie and Stimpy are exhausting to listen to, and Velma needs to come out of the closet already— hasn’t it been 30 years?

—Posted by Celeste Ward

Credit: PR Newswire Photo Service

Published on October 6, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (3)

World Cup 2006’s odd couple

On a list of the most ridiculous marketing jobs, writing the biographies of mascots must rank pretty high. Visiting FIFA and Yahoo!’s official World Cup 2006 Web site, we stumbled upon the section devoted to Goleo VI the lion and Pille the talking soccer ball—a pair of comic characters, according to FIFA, not unlike Laurel and Hardy or Asterix and Obelisk from the old French comic books. The site has more info about these two than about Franz Beckenbauer. Among the choice biographical tidbits: “Both are rapier-sharp and witty, and never miss a chance to put one over on the other.” “Goleo VI has nothing against trousers, but he doesn’t understand all the fuss about whether he should wear them or not.” “[Pille] would prefer to do everything himself—if only he could, because there are lots of things you can’t do when you don’t have arms or legs.” And perhaps our favorite: “Pille’s first loves are football, flying and women.” Meantime, there’s something a bit lacking about the World Cup’s official poster (shown here). Several of the other four finalists (click on the link and scroll down) seem better.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on October 6, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)

A car even Fido can love

Honda has built the first dog-friendly car. The W.O.W concept car, which stands for "wonderful openhearted wagon" features a glove compartment large enough for a small pup, a larger pop-up crate in the back seat and special doggie seat belts. (It doesn't feature doggie headphones like the ones pictured here, but it's a good idea, isn't it?) Honda will display the car at a Tokyo auto show later in the month, but has no plans to market the car. Yet. "We created this vehicle from the point of view of a dog, but it turned out to be a gentler vehicle for the elderly, children and other family members," said Honda designer Katsuhito Nakamura. W.O.W. also comes with removable, washable, rollout flooring. No doubt that will make dog owners very happy indeed. I'm surprised no one thought of this sooner.

—Posted by Lisa van der Pool

Credit: PR Newswire Photo Service

Published on October 5, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Christopher Columbus ain’t such a bad guy

You can go ahead with that Columbus Day sale, apparently. Despite the best efforts of assorted politico-cultural activists to paint Christopher Columbus as the man who brought genocide to the New World, a University of Michigan study finds 85 percent of Americans still describe the old boy in “positive and traditional terms.” Just 4 percent said they see him “as a villain who brought slavery, disease and death to indigenous peoples.” Since a few percent of respondents to any survey will say just about anything, this represents quite a vindication for Chris. It’s hard to think of a public figure now living about whom fewer than 4 percent would say dreadful things.

—Posted by Mark Dolliver

Image: Library of Congress

Published on October 5, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (57)

Video gamers say, "Bring on the ads!"

We know there are lots of people concerned about the appearance of advertisements in video games, but according to this survey from a company that places ads in video games, about 50 percent of gamers actually like them because they make the games appear “more realistic”—21 percent disagreed about that. Meanwhile, 54 percent said that the ads caught their attention, while 17 percent disagreed. As for the percentage of people missing from the statistics above, we don’t know what their status is. However, we’re presuming they were so busy playing games that they didn’t notice the ads at all—or were so busy playing games they didn’t even realize someone was trying to ask them pesky questions.

—Posted by Catharine P. Taylor

Published on October 5, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Ricky Gervais in a squishy situation

As a rule, I’m not a big fan of scatological entertainment. Unless it involves Will Ferrell streaking through campus in Old School. Or Cameron Diaz using a “special conditioner” in There’s Something About Mary. Or Alyson Hannigan reminiscing about band camp in American Pie. OK, fine. Perhaps I’m a bit too in touch with my inner frat boy. Whatever the case, I wasn’t terribly shocked when I heard a U.K. radio spot for prostate-cancer awareness featuring Ricky Gervais playing a doctor who is eager give a patient a rectal exam. (There’s a link to an audio file on the BBC site.) After the squeamish patient agrees to the exam, we hear a “squish” sound before the patient admits that it’s “not that bad.” A British watchdog agency originally said the ad could only run after 9 p.m., then reversed itself—but is still insisting that the squish be excised. One can only surmise that when classic British propriety bumped up against sophisticated British humor, personified by a man in a dress, the man in the dress won. Thank you, Benny Hill.

—Posted by Deanna Zammit

Photo: WENN/Newscom

Published on October 5, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Coming soon to an iPod near you ... a subway map

iPod subway maps are hot—if your municipality’s mass transit authorities aren’t busy trying to stop them from being published and distributed. That’s what we gleaned from reading ipodsubwaymaps.com, one of those quirky Web-centric labors of love in which someone (in this case, William Bright, a design director for Nerve.com), aims to create a Web-based clearing-house for subway maps that can be downloaded to one’s iPod for easy navigation on the fly. Ironically, one of the cities currently making progress difficult is New York, where there’s a mere 250 miles of subway system to navigate and most people don’t have a car. Actually, despite what we said before, his quest for approval from the MTA proves that iPod subway maps are hot even where they are not available. A post explaining how the Authority has asked him to pony up $500 and agree to certain conditions before it will let him distribute the map has garnered 206 comments since last Thursday. One thing that strikes us as kinda weird: do New Yorkers secretly harbor a desire to be robbed? There’s been a rash of iPod thefts on the subway … and people really want to whip out their iPod to navigate it?

—Posted by Catharine P. Taylor

Published on October 5, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Pigging out on energy

Say what you will about the White House’s new energy conservation campaign; it does have a humorous, antagonistic mascot, “Energy Hog,” a cartoon pig clad in blue jeans and a leather biker’s jacket. The whole campaign is like Ghostbusters in reverse—the more energy you throw at the pig, the more he eats it up. (In one TV spot, he appears from a refrigerator’s water dispenser, and Dad tries to zap him with what looks like a hair dryer.) The cartoon Web site is even called the Hogbusters Training Camp. But there’s a disconnect there—the training camp looks like an enormous mechanical complex, the kind of structure that, were it real, would really suck up the juice.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on October 5, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Rappers fail to bite on Big Mac offer

In March, news leaked out that McDonald’s was offering hip-hop artists cash for mentioning the Big Mac in their raps—between $1 and $5 per radio play, in fact. Seven months later, the Guardian reports that not a single rapper has taken the 576-calorie bait. The humorous Guardian story reads, in part: “ ‘We have not identified the right opportunity, muthafucka,’ said a [McDonald’s] spokesman (apart from the last bit, obviously), adding: ‘We have not yet identified the match that we've been looking for.’ ” The paper sums up the initiative this way: “Being a predominantly white, suit-and-tie kind of corporation, they forgot to look at it from the rapper’s point of view. They forgot that it’s not cool for a rapper, whose career depends on ‘keeping it real’ to sell his soul to a white multinational corporation.”

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on October 5, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Make last call a Bootie call

In today’s in-your-face marketing culture, it was probably just a matter of time before someone came out with a beer called Bootie. And that’s just what an Orlando, Fla., company has done. The marketer hopes to distribute the beer nationally within two years, selling it wherever other major brands are available, “unless the store owner is offended by the name,” says Bootie Beer Co. CEO Tania Torruella. I wouldn’t worry about it, Tania. Let’s face it, you’re not exactly going for an image of Granny knitting wool slippers for the wee ones, are you? Not judging from this quote: “Everybody loves money, loves sex and they love beer.” Bootie is the “Maxim of beers,” Torruella adds. Promotional plans include hand-picking “hot” female models from Boston, where the beer is being launched, sponsoring local events and possibly even creating a magazine. So, call it the Hooters theory of brand marketing. Clearly lacking in good taste. But does it taste good? Grab some Bootie and decide for yourself.

—Posted by Steve McClellan

Published on October 5, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (3)

New Supreme Court couple alert!

If the never-married Harriet Miers is confirmed as a Supreme Court justice, will the tabloids do their utmost to drum up a romance between her and the also-never-married justice David Souter? Let’s hope so. It would make a nice change from their usual breathless coverage of romances, real or imagined, between half-witted Hollywood celebs. And if the two justices were to hit it off, a wedding—presided over, presumably, by newly minted Chief Justice John Roberts—could be the most glamorous televised event in C-SPAN history. Meanwhile, people who like pit bulls will hope the breed’s controversial reputation benefits from the nomination of someone once described (by George Bush when he was still governor of Texas) as “a pit bull in size 6 shoes.” On the other hand, given the deep political divisions in the country, the link between a Bush nominee and pit bulls could increase agitation in some jurisdictions for laws to ban the breed.

—Posted by Mark Dolliver

Published on October 4, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Helping out your holding-company sister

AdFreak’s trained eye for conflict and collusion has allowed us to spot the occasional client-combining two-fer—for example, TBWA\Chiat\Day showing off Shell Chemical’s Black Magic car-care products by using them on a Nissan, the agency’s biggest client. Now, be on the lookout for what might be called intra-holding-company kudos. In a February FedEx spot (shown here) by Omnicom’s BBDO, recently brought back to rotation, Ned the office worker, who is anti-FedEx, is dressed down by a fellow worker, who says he’s wrong about everything, from thinking that employees get “French benefits” to supposing that Steely Dan is a single musician. One of the corrections: “James Dean is the actor. Jimmy Dean makes sausage.” Omnicom’s TBWA\Chiat\Day makes Jimmy Dean’s ads.

—Posted by Gregory Solman

Published on October 4, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

At least Canada is ready for hockey

So apparently, hockey season starts tomorrow. You wouldn’t know it here in the U.S., where we’re still focused on baseball (go White Sox). But having come back from a quick jaunt to Canada, I can verify that up there, the fact is unavoidable. From the constant blow-by-blow of every preseason matchup to the Mars ad showing a Zamboni driver triumphantly taking the ice, it’s clear that one country is ready for the start of a new and improved NHL season. (They’re so ready, in fact, that I didn’t see the controversial NHL ad once. You don’t need to remind them Canucks when the season starts.) My only question: What the hell did they do all of last year?

—Posted by Aaron Baar

Published on October 4, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (3)

McDonald’s woos those tough Swedes

If ever there were a difficult market for McDonald’s, it is Sweden. The mega McRestaurant is planning to make big changes worldwide, but first it must get past its toughest critic in Western Europe. According to this story, the Swedes have high standards and are pretty finicky about their McFood. Shaun Herbert, managing director of DDB Stockholm, is in charge of the McDonald’s rebranding program. He says, “If you can win over Swedish consumers, then you stand a good chance of being able to do so anywhere.” In an attempt to impress the Swedes, McDonald’s plans to establish a “modern image” in its restaurants, with a café section with leather armchairs. The Swedish market also demands lower-fat offerings, and its menu will have an overhaul. A visit to the Swedish McDonald’s Web site shows that the Big Mac is called El Maco and looks like it’s got a Mexican bandito image.

—Posted by Celeste Ward

Published on October 4, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)

More gnashing of teeth over Jon Stewart event

The fallout continues following last week’s Magazine Publishers of America event at which Jon Stewart interviewed (if that’s the word) Vanity Fair’s Graydon Carter, Cosmopolitan’s Kate White, Time’s Jim Kelly and Men’s Health’s Dave Zinczenko. A Page Six item over the weekend quoted one “witness” as saying, “They all couldn’t get off the stage fast enough—and I overheard Graydon Carter saying, ‘Never again!’ ” Now comes this from WWD.com: “Many industry voices were still grumbling that MPA had shelled out a quarter of a million dollars ($150,000 for Stewart, another $100,000 for the event, according to a source) only to have the Daily Show host question the relevance of print in front of a roomful of advertisers.” The item quotes White, who says of the interviewees: “I think it’s safe to say we probably all felt a little ambushed. We were led to believe it was going to be not a roast or anything of that nature but a dialogue. The biggest frustration was how poorly prepared [Stewart] was. He didn’t know where to go, and the only thing to do was get nasty or toss it to the audience.’ ” Others believe Stewart knew exactly what he was doing. As Mediabistro’s Fishbowl notes, “If the MPA had wanted someone toothless, they could have flown in Jay Leno.”

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Photo: Steve Maller

Published on October 4, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (3)

There’s still time to visit Alaska

You could argue that Alaska’s new “B4UDIE” billboards, now up in Seattle, Los Angeles and Minneapolis, are a bit strange for major U.S. cityscapes in an era of heightened security. Or you could not worry about it so much. People often cite visiting Alaska as one of the things they want to do before they die; why not play off that, the Alaska Travel Industry Association figures. Speaking of which, “things you should do before you die” is a huge topic online. Check out these lists from Cuba’s hero of independence, Jos Mart (“Eat a meal good enough to be your last,” “Make an enemy for life”); the Travel Channel (“Soak in the mud and waters of the Dead Sea,” “Scuba dive the Great Barrier Reef”); and Maxim (“Drink an entire keg of Guinness by yourself (no time limit),” “Kick your dad’s ass”).

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Published on October 4, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (2)