Dunkin’ Donuts continues to profess its love for new spokesperson Rachael Ray. A new e-mail to the press today reiterates that Ray, “a lifelong Dunkin’ Donuts fan and customer, mirrors Dunkin’ Donuts core customer spirit—that of the hard working, energetic and down-to-earth American.” And, they might add, she has a pretty good mmm-face. Still, after her big Nabisco deal last fall, is she stuffing herself a bit too full of endorsements? Banterist thinks so, and has posted a Rachael Ray Endorsement Contract, a one-page form for getting Rachael into your advertising, no questions asked. Includes “Rachael Ray point-of-purchase displays, a life-size Rachael Ray cardboard cut-out and a photograph of Rachael Ray embracing your product like a long-lost relative.” The kids over at the Rachael Ray Sucks blog will be eating this up.
As a Southerner, I know the one true strength of Crisco: It is the only thing you should ever use to fry chicken. (And don’t even think about using something other than a cast-iron skillet, you backwoods heathen.) But apparently there was a time when Crisco had quite a different Unique Selling Proposition: “Use Crisco. It’s digestible!” The Swank Pad has revived a fine piece of 1951 advertorial that harkens to a simpler time, when people fried their food in industrial sealant or something. My favorite line is this glowing endorsement: “Even doctors—9 out of 10 of them—say foods fried in Crisco are easy to digest!” Obviously, that 10th doctor was swayed by the motor-oil lobby.
It’s not just TV viewers who despise eHarmony.com. One of its top rivals, Chemistry.com, does too. In an upcoming ad campaign, Chemistry.com (which is a subsidiary of Match.com) goes on the offensive against its better-known competitor, lambasting the dating site for, basically, creating standards that are just too darn high. (Consumerist can fill you in on the kind of “pain and ignominy” eHarmony can cause when it bans you from posting your profile.) In the Chemistry ads, eHarmony “rejects” wonder if their “scars,” “outies” or political views cost them dates. The tagline, “Come as you are,” probably promises way more than it can—or should—deliver, especially in this day and age. In any case, classic rockers J. Geils had the ultimate take on the subject, one no online matchmaker has been honest (or edgy) enough to adopt: “Love stinks.”
These days, it seems pretty risky to mentions any hot-button issues in ad campaigns. (Suicide and pillow fights, for example, are both taboo.) But apparently the Unabomber is a sufficiently cold-button issue. In one ad from its new outdoor teaser campaign, Ask.com mentions the madman who sent mail bombs to technologists. An unbranded billboard on the West Side Highway in New York reads, “The Unabomber hates the algorithm.” Other executions read, “The algorithm killed Jeeves” and “The algorithm is from Jersey.” (Ask’s algorithmic search technology was developed at Rutgers University.) Let’s not forget that Ted Kaczynski killed three and maimed 23. How much time has to pass before it’s safe to use killers as ad props? If the Unabomber is fair game, what about Ted Bundy?
The happy client. That’s every marketer’s dream. Now, it’s also a storybook from WGBH, the Boston public broadcasting flagship. The text and illustrations in The Happy Client follow a media buyer on his quest for corporate sponsorship dollars for PBS Kids programming. (They should dispatch Barney. The dude has a can-do attitude, and he’s so annoying, you’d buy airtime just to get rid of him.) The book was sent to the station’s contacts, and the Boston Herald reports that at least one activist group has bemoaned the effort as shameless shilling (but that’s what activist groups are for). Maybe ’GBH can send along one of its premium coffee mugs and some PBS brews to keep potential spenders awake as they pore over the sales tome late into the night. (And would it kill them to throw in a tote bag and an umbrella?)
Well, I see Hot Pockets has scrapped its chipper housewife jingle (“Whatcha gonna pick? Hot Pockets!”) in favor of Hot Pockets Dojo, a wondrous slice of the Internet where Web surfers can be insulted in the broken English of “the master,” who wishes he was Pat Morita. Oh, it’s also another absurdist non-idea that isn’t funny and wastes your time with trite ethnic stereotypes when it could be telling you that there are about a jillion new varieties of Hot Pockets out there now. Seriously, have you been to the store lately? They’re like rabbits in that freezer. Maybe the best way for Hot Pockets to “stop wasting master’s time” is to get rid of him altogether.
It’s doubtful many Israeli citizens would take advantage of “dreamy weekend getaways” to Syria and Saudi Arabia, even at the bargain price of less than $500. Still, such offers are made in a new campaign launched in Jerusalem. The “travel” ads are, of course, fakes—created by activist group Avaaz.org as part of its “Real peace talks now” campaign. According to Avaaz: “Through humor, the billboards, placed in busy Jerusalem intersections, capture what a large majority of Israelis most want: normal relations with their Arab neighbors.” The signage promotes talks based on recent Arab League initiatives, so some might dismiss the effort as propaganda (at worst) or naive wishful thinking (at best). At any rate, the ads should provide a change from all those boards touting Coke, GM and McDonald’s.
Next time you start to complain about how slow and plodding some movie trailers can be, think of this 1977 preview for Star Wars. Movie blog Cinematical dug up this retro gem, which features one of the most verbose and uninspiring voiceovers I’ve ever heard. Combine that with some shrill TIE Fighter noise and a noticeable lack of the Star Wars theme music, and you’ve obviously got a recipe for shattering box-office records.
So, who else is creeped out by Lynx cologne? Not that I’d ever use it (here in the U.S., it’s Axe), being allergic to that stuff as a general rule. But if I did, I’d never shake the image from this commercial of the old man beaming at me from the porthole in his tombstone. Equally disturbing is the revelation that the worms in tequila bottles are harvested from cemeteries. The whole ad exposes some kind of Poe-novel dystopia where there’s a good chance of dying after the nookie this product all but guarantees you. Too bad they can’t sign Spalding Gray to an endorsement deal. He was an expert in the target market.
If you’ve ever bought a song online, you’ve probably experienced the unique frustration of not being able to play it wherever you’d like. That’s thanks to DRM (digital rights management), a technology that’s widely reviled by just about anybody who doesn’t own a record label. But debate over this form of copyright protection can quickly get bogged down in techno-jargon. So I was impressed by this anti-DRM ad from the folks at DefectiveByDesign.org. Using minimalist art direction, they pose a simple argument for unfettered downloads. The ad’s been bouncing around the Web for a few months, but it’s had a resurgence on YouTube this week after being uploaded by another user. So if you didn’t catch it the first time, enjoy, and try not to take your frustration out on your iPod.
These ads for the Calgary Zoo continue the humiliation of dogs for the purposes of advertising, and do one hell of a job at it. The ad here is priceless. “You can’t put a bra on a dog’s back and call it a camel” sounds like a Lewis Grizzard book. However, it simply isn’t as endearing as this San Diego Zoo ad. Nice to know we’re better at something than Canada these days.
We’ve seen guardian angels in ads before. Sometimes funny, sometimes morose. But now we can add “creepy” to the list. In its new “use a condom” spot, Planned Parenthood Golden Gate features a voyeuristic angel who doesn’t just watch you have sex—he TiVo’s it! Then he proposes knockin’ it out with another angel on your headboard! The effectiveness is questionable, but it’s good for a chuckle. Still, it makes you long for a time when angels were a little more hands-on when they kept you from killing yourself. Via Houtlust.
It’s rare that a golf commercial is turned down by a major network for being too wild. Naturally, this one, for Maxfli golf balls, involves John Daly. He’s shown singing in a honky-tonk bar, bringing beer to a golf course, using a beer can as a tee, and driving erratically in a golf cart. For Daly, this may be a tradition unlike any other, but CBS has refused to air the ad. Apparently those three visits to the Betty Ford Clinic for alcohol abuse did not help Daly much. Via Deadspin.
A child-advocacy group wants a healthy-living PSA campaign pulled because it features Shrek, the green and not super-svelte animated movie character. Actually, the group, Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, is upset less about Shrek’s personal waistline and more about all the junk-food tie-ins connected to the latest Shrek film. A rep says: “The food industry and the government can’t have it both ways. Either [Shrek’s] a pitchman for junk food or a spokesman for health and well-being. Those are mutually exclusive roles.” The ad, from the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, is posted here. Shrek actually appears only briefly—the star of the ad is the donkey, who doesn’t appear to eat too much but does have a serious attention-deficit problem.
“Hyatt Hotels is creating its own Web entertainment ... pitting five families who will spend this summer competing against each other in group activities like hula dancing in Kauai and hot air ballooning in New Mexico,” Brandweek reports. Consumers can follow the contest (and vote for their favorite participants) on HyattAdventureChallenge.com. Hasn’t Hyatt traditionally positioned itself as somewhat high-end, offering “The Hyatt touch”? As in: A touch of class? Now Hyatt wants to be entertaining. Dictionary.com defines entertainment as an “agreeable occupation for the mind; diversion; amusement.” Watching dad dance the hula and mom swing from a hot air balloon doesn’t quite meet those criteria (particularly if they’re your mom and dad). A secondary definition of entertainment is “hospitable provision for the needs and wants of guests.” Perhaps Hyatt should leverage that strategy instead. Who knows, it could provide that special “touch” Hyatt’s always boasting about. —Posted by David Gianatasio
Got around to watching this “Hands” spot from Guinness, which is quite an innovative display of hand origami if I’ve ever seen one. Granted, it doesn’t have much to do with beer (or drinking, judging by the dexterity shown here), but I still liked it. I even enjoyed the accompanying song, which is a rarity for me. But did anyone else notice the split-second middle fingers about halfway through the ad? Just wait until the pedants who held Prince’s guitar pose under a microscope get hold of it. UPDATE: Here’s a microsite connected to the spot, with behind-the-scenes footage and more.
This paunchy pooch thinks he has it bad, but as doggie-door incidents go, it could be so much worse. For example, no cat has yet taken advantage of this situation to artfully arrange flowers in the dog’s rear end. The copy reads, “Contains 30% less fat, so you can get your dog back.” For Iams, by Saatchi & Saatchi.
Whether Daisuke Matsuzaka will ever be compared to Roger Clemens is an open question. His global advertising appeal, however, may be unprecedented. There’s so much interest among Asian fans who are watching his Red Sox starts on TV that MLB teams have begun posting Japanese-language ads in their own ballparks. (Dunkin’ Donuts and Lumber Liquidators have done so at Fenway Park in Boston.) He’s certainly more appealing that Hideki Irabu, the much-maligned former Yankees pitcher, who posted a woeful 5.15 ERA in his stateside stint and was once caught snoozing in the bullpen on national TV. In fact, Irabu may well be working at a Dunkin’ Donuts these days. Still, he does have two World Series rings, so Dice has some catching up to do.
Have you noticed this pattern? Studies seldom demonstrate that ads get us to use our seat belts or help old ladies across streets. But numerous studies prove ads highly effective at motivating us to eat too much, smoke too much, etc. In short, when a study proves that advertising works, you can bet the social consequences are bad. The latest instance of this syndrome comes in a British study (excerpted on the HealthScout Web site) that finds food commercials wonderfully effective in getting kids to overeat—especially kids who already weigh too much. “Television food ads prompted a 134 percent increase in the amount of food eaten by obese children,” for instance, and a 101 percent increase in the amount eaten by kids who are overweight but not obese. Moreover, it prompted these kids to lunge for sweets, even when other foods were available. Can it be that advertising is simply better at making us bad than at making us good? Perish the thought.
If you find yourself feeling stressed, overworked and under-amused at work, the “creative and fun people at Dreyer’s” would like to have a promotional word with you. “There are lots of things we can do to make our workplaces more fun and ourselves more productive,” they say. Like what, you ask? Like entering the Dibs Quest for a Cooler Workplace contest, named after the bite-sized ice-cream snack Dreyer’s invented. The company that does the most to make its workplace cooler will get “free fully-stocked (and restocked) freezers of Dibs bite sized snacks for an entire month” Given how disappointing Scott Tissues’ clog-story contest was, this entrants here better step up to the plate. And none of that “we made our office cooler by turning up the AC, LOLZ” horseshit, either. I expect to see plastic-ball pits, jousting tournaments and lewd after-hours bacchanals. So make it good, kids!
If the presidential candidates are going to debate on the Internet, it’s only fitting that certain protocols apply: 1) Viewers must be allowed to instantly rate their approval or disapproval of positions, allowing the candidates to flip-flop mid-sentence if necessary. 2) Apple’s hyper dancing silhouettes (redesigned to resemble the candidates) must be projected onscreen each time one of them gets in an especially cutting one-liner. No need to create one for Kucinich. 3) Lonelygirl15 should moderate. 4) At regular intervals, the debate must be interrupted by a pop-up ad for Netflix. 5) The first candidate who can prove he or she is not a CGI-generated avatar (or demonstrate a way to erase the national debt using “Linden Dollars”) is declared the winner. UPDATE: Mark Burnett and MySpace have gone the “real” politicians one better, developing Independent, an online reality show aimed at finding “America’s next great politician.” Since News Corp. owns MySpace, we hope Rupert Murdoch has the grace to stay out of contention. Actually, Rupe was born on foreign soil and can’t run for president—at least not until Burnett creates Amendment, a show about changing the Constitution.
Robert Goulet hates Emerald Nuts. The natural energy they provide keeps you awake and on the lookout for Goulet, making it less likely that he can mess with your stuff. No surprise, then, that Goulet is manufacturing his own candy bar, Goulet’s Snooze Bar (“It’s sleep in a bar!”), as a timely riposte. The downloadable jingles, sung by the man himself, are amusing. (“Goulet means forgettin’/Goulet means a-sleepin’/Snooze Bar is my bag, baby!/I need to start some sneakin’.”) It’s time to take one bite, and say goodnight.
It’s Cuervo Season again, and this time the SportsCenter-ish guys on the Web site are on a real mission, not just acting out little skits and doing shots. This time they want you to do the shots—they’re asking visitors to send in videos of themselves doing shots of Cuervo. In so doing, they’re hoping to create the world’s longest “shot-chain,” whatever that is. Copy on the site reads: “There are few opportunities in life to join together with your fellow man and be part of something truly universal. Only one depends upon knocking back a shot of Cuervo.” In the corner, there’s a nice touch: “Please drink responsibly.” Perhaps they’re in cahoots with Fox’s drunk-people reality show.
eFlicks Media, a small ad shop/production house, has launched Earth Advertising, a New York agency designed “to meet the growing demands of the group’s largest key client: the planet.” Perhaps I missed our globe’s RFP, but that’s beside the point. Earth Advertising describes itself as “a cooperative of top talent and pioneers in the media industry united to support businesses in clean technology, new energy, progressive transportation, sustainable agriculture, socially responsible investment, non-toxic detergents and health-safe products.” The shop is best known for handling the Zipcar account. As Adweek reported in ’02: “Signing up with Zipcar will allow drivers to spend more time having sex and less time parking their cars. That’s the idea expressed in a new outdoor campaign from eFlicks Media.” So, the shop knows that sex sells. And Jack Welch has been preaching that Green Marketing is the way for entrepreneurs to get ahead. So maybe Earth Advertising is right on the money. Which is, of course, the green that matters most in this business. —Posted by David Gianatasio
If you have to share a computer at work, and you wouldn’t mind losing some weight for bathing-suit season, try the in-office workout program pioneered by Wieden + Kennedy’s ad school. Put that abdominal cavity to work. Beard not required.
