I need to tweak to my 100%-true memoir
Dear Big Publisher:
Thanks for accepting my 100-percent true-life memoir for publication! In the interests of full truthiness, I mean truthfulness, which some memoirists have trouble with, here are some last-minute changes to the manuscript:
• Please change title My Secret Life With the CIA, Osama and the Street Gangs to Couch Journal: Why I Never Left My Parents’ House.
• All references to “guns,” “knives” and “karate” should now read: “soup spoons,” “tweezers” and “tai chi in the park until I hurt my back,” respectively.
• Lose the chapter about my marriage to Paris Hilton.
• Also cut the chapter about my marriage to Perez Hilton.
• I accidentally sent you a picture of Brad Pitt for the book jacket. Please use David Duchovny instead.
• Change “Congressional medal of valor” to “$5 winning scratch ticket.”
• I misremembered the attendees at the White House dinner held in my honor. Oprah couldn’t make it, nor could J. Lo, Rupe, Hannah Montana, Barney the Dinosaur or Jay-Z.
• Please cut the chapter about the White House dinner held in my honor.
• Change “Space Shuttle” to “Boston Water Taxi” and the line “I kept us from crashing into the sun” to “I’m sorry I sank Old Ironsides.”
• Maybe Axl Rose’s picture is best. He’s dead, right?
—Posted by David Gianatasio
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March 4, 2008 in Gianatasio | Permalink
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Comments
“It’s very upsetting to us because we spent so much time with this person and we felt such sympathy for her and she would talk about how she didn’t have any money or any heat and we completely bought into that and thought we were doing something good by bringing her story to light,” Ms. McGrath said.
Shouldn't that have tipped them off right there? Money for HEAT in Los Angeles? Money for AIico, please - don't tell me you think it's cold in California or I'll force you to run around my parents house in your skivvies. It's - 40 degrees celcius. That's COLD.
Posted by: Dabitch | Mar 5, 2008 5:14:42 AM
ahhh, the old Gianatasio wit again! so nice of you to drop in.
Posted by: Wayner | Mar 5, 2008 6:14:36 PM
admit it, you're carrying just a big of a torch for him as I am. No, bigger, being a Wayner and all.
Posted by: Dabitch | Mar 6, 2008 1:54:19 PM
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