Disney's sweet, hot summer of chastity
Summer is here, the kids are out of school, and the Disney PR engine is cranking into overdrive. If you have a kid between 9 and 12, you saw this coming. If not ... meet the Jonas Brothers, the current teen pop sensations. Like the boy bands that came before them, the Jonases insist they’re not just another pop boy band—they’re a “pop-rock” band! (You have to respect the hyphen.) One thing that is different: They come with purity rings, a vow to stay celibate until marriage, and the promise to bring good Christian morals back to the Disney brand. With a new movie out this Friday called Camp Rock (that’s the trailer posted above), a new single called “Burnin’ Up,” and their own Disney Channel series planned—a comedy-adventure spy series titled J.O.N.A.S.—you can already hear the high-pitched tween screams. (And yes, they also have that Baby Bottle Pop commercial.) Will they reach epic Timberlake proportions, or will those purity rings come flying off faster than a Catholic school uniform? One thing’s for sure, Disney could use a little purity right about now. |
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How about "come flying off faster than a Islamic mosqueteer's burkha?"
Or faster than a "Yeshiva girl's ankle length miniskirt?"
Spread the metaphors around. Catholic school uniforms were a tired jibe in the late 80s when Madonna did a reprise in her plaid grammar school outfit.
Posted by: TomassoD'Aquino | Jun 19, 2008 11:05:31 AM
Technically those are similes.
Posted by: Arthur Bechstein | Jun 20, 2008 11:41:53 AM
Sorry, Mr. Bechstein, but similes are specific kinds of metaphors preceded by specific words, the specific words being "as" or "like."
Ms. Cullers, above, created a metaphor (not a simile). In this case, a visual picture of speedy undressing which in her experience--observed or participating or hearsay--centered on those wild and crazy Catholic school girls' schools' uniforms. The metaphor, I take it, is the appearance of purity, but the reality of lasciviousness.
Posted by: TomassoD'Aquino | Jun 21, 2008 1:37:06 PM
Almost, Tom.
Sure, "like" or "as" add the comparative nature necessary to turn a metaphor into a simile. But "than" does the exact same thing. As in "faster than a speeding bullet" or, in this case, faster than a Catholic school girl's plaid skirt.
Stale, yes. Tired, sure. But a simile nonetheless.
Posted by: Arthur Bechstein | Jun 22, 2008 4:16:59 PM
Being a 13th Century guy, I always thought metaphor came from the Greek, whereas simile came from the Latin.
In your case, "faster than a speeding bullet" would be a metaphor; "as fast as a speeding bullet" would be a simile.
Anyway, if Ms. Cullers had used a Yeshiva or a Mosque for her simile or metaphor, she would have been shit-canned (metaphor) as rapidly as
Ace Greenberg (simile) after the dam broke (metaphor).
Posted by: TomassoD'Aquino | Jun 22, 2008 8:28:26 PM
I'm having fun. Seriously. I enjoy the fact that we go back and forth without either of us bothering to pick up a text book. No matter which of us turns out to be right, thanks for the entertainment. But I will say this:
"Than" is just a greater degree of "as". "Faster than a speeding bullet" is just a little bit faster than "as fast as a speeding bullet." Do you really think that this greater degree of speed is enough to change the literary classification of the description?
I don't. A simile compares object A to object B. A metaphor describes object A with the attributes of object B.
But again, my high school English teacher may be on your side.
But again, I doubt it.
Posted by: Arthur Bechstein | Jun 23, 2008 8:56:11 AM
You have convinced me of the grammatical argument, but what of the metaphysical one?
All the grammar I learned I learned in grammar school. I learned it so well I lectured my high school teachers on the subject. When they asked where I got my info, I told them straight out: Sister Mary De Montfort.
The infallible nun.
I would, by the way, pick up my text book but I sold them all years ago at Barnes and Noble for 10 cents on the dollar.
Posted by: TomassoD'Aquino | Jun 23, 2008 9:26:22 AM
what we need is a jonas brother sex tape...
Posted by: canesgirl | Jun 23, 2008 11:36:41 AM
I can't wait for one of them to anounce that he's gay?
Posted by: Loadingloading.. | Jun 24, 2008 6:19:58 AM
I can't wait for one of them to announce that he's gay..
Posted by: Loadingloading.. | Jun 24, 2008 6:21:07 AM
Not gay, but they could be Governors of New Jersey
Posted by: Tom Messner | Jun 24, 2008 8:27:34 AM
