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The wait is over: Wipe your butt with a stick

I don't care what YouTube says, this infomercial for the "Comfort Wipe" can't be real. My mind won't allow it to be. For God's sake, it starts off by asking how much we're all sick of folding toilet paper, as if we would all nod our heads and agree that, yes, the whole process is a savage antiquity. We're then expected to accept that wiping with a fancy stick is a bold step forward in our personal sanitary habits. No. This is not right. A fat guy cannot cite "advantages" to being fat and in the same breath acknowledge that he needs help sanitizing his crevasse, at which point the voiceover says the product helps people retain their dignity. I keep looking for The Onion's logo in the corner, and it's not there. And I weep.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

June 12, 2009 in Infomercials, Kiefaber, Personal care | Permalink

Comments

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"preserves your dignity" LOL!

Posted by: step21 | Jun 12, 2009 9:11:13 AM

There are probably all kinds of grandpas and grandmas out there who need a product like this.

Posted by: Um... | Jun 12, 2009 10:46:01 AM

Weeping for joy David?? With exaggerated shoulder movements? ;)

Posted by: Brian Son | Jun 12, 2009 12:02:26 PM

Actually, the Romans used a sponge on the end of a stick in place of toilet paper, so the extension stick isn't that new.

Posted by: Rebecca Cullers | Jun 12, 2009 5:47:56 PM

Dear Television:

I have been again reminded why you were a waste of time and money, and why I hated you. I am happy without you. Never come back.

Regards
Me

Posted by: Kim | Jun 12, 2009 6:35:25 PM

Has anybody tried actually calling the 1-800 number? I'd do it myself, but I'm slightly scared of what I'd find out...

Posted by: David A. Spitzley | Jun 18, 2009 4:53:13 PM

why not just wrap the toilet brush with toilet paper? or make a pile of toilet paper on the floor and schooch your butt back and forth? improvise!

what a waste of money :(

Posted by: jody | Jun 22, 2009 1:53:35 AM

That is a joke. Really who nivented this!?...Are they actually making money from this?

Posted by: Limo Hire | Aug 12, 2009 2:00:16 PM


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