Probably the best ad ever for a used wetsuit

A used wetsuit doesn't sound like a great thing to buy. But Dan Morgan does his best to flog his pre-owned Xcel suit in this hilarious eBay listing from the U.K. You have to read the whole thing, but here are some choice excerpts:
  • "You can see from the pictures it has no creases and looks lovely. My friend Gaz has got a wetsuit that he doesn't look after and it looks like an Elephant's arse, all wrinkled, a bit like an old man's testicle."
  • "I have NEVER urinated in this suit, seriously, these suits are too good to be doing such a vulgar act in, the wee just ends up staying in the suit and then when you're sat having a post-surf pint in the pub you smell awful and girls don't like boys that smell of p*ss so you just sit there, alone all night, sobbing into your pint of Betty Stoggs like a lonely desperate p*ss smelling man."
  • "I've included a picture of a bear using a urinal, this is how I normally use the toilet, notice that the animal is not wearing a wetsuit. Although I am not a bear, I, like a bear, do not p*ss in wetsuits."
  • "There's some signs of wear around the neck, which I've taken pictures of, so you don't say 'oi you c*nt, there's area of wear around the neck I'm giving you bad feedback.' "
  The listing has gotten a ton of attention, and Morgan has decided to turn it into a charity auction, with 95 percent of the proceeds going to the Red Cross for relief efforts in Japan. Morgan says eBay contacted him about the profanity in the ad, and threatened to remove the listing, but hasn't done so—perhaps because of the charity angle. (Sadly, the photo of the urinating bear does appear to have been excised.)
  In the week since the listing went up, a smorgasbord of surf-related companies—including Xcel itself—have jumped on board, throwing in their own items which the winning bidder will also take home. There's even an associated Web site, BearsDontWearWetsuits.com, "brought to you by the idiot who listed the urine-free wetsuit on eBay." All of which makes you suspicious that this isn't a completely amateur stunt. If Xcel is indeed behind this, I don't want to know about it.
  UPDATE: After 113 bids, Morgan sold his used wetsuit for £8,999—of which he'll keep about £500, with the rest going to the Red Cross. Nice work, Dan. Also, since the listing will presumably disappear from eBay shortly, we've posted Morgan's original ad in full after the jump.

Click to read more ...

Filed under Consumer stunts, eBay, Nudd
Permalink | Comments (3)

'Delightful woman' places ad for new kidney

The Internet may have mostly killed off the newspaper's classifieds section, but newspapers are fighting back by allowing you to place ads soliciting internal organs. That's what's happening in Louisville, Ky., anyway, where Margot Kirchner placed an ad for her best friend, who needs a transplant, in the Southeast Outlook. The ad describes Margot's friend as a "delightful woman in mid-40s, in need of kidney, blood type O Positive," but cautions that "for personal and professional reasons the recipient would prefer to stay anonymous until an organ has been matched." Good thinking. You just know some weirdo has an organ donation joke locked and loaded for a situation like this.

Filed under Consumer stunts, Health, Kiefaber
Permalink | Comments (1)

Woman buys ad seeking man from her flight

Many fliers want to escape as quickly as possible from the people they're forced to travel with. This is especially true of my seatmates, who never join my impromptu Justin Bieber sing-alongs. I'm feeling too jet-lagged to write a proper transition, so let's cut straight to the story of Linda Patterson, a bookkeeper from Fort Erie, Ontario, who took out a $600 ad in the Toronto Star in the hope of finding a man she encountered on a recent flight home from Winnipeg. The Star tells the tale: "They had watched each other surreptitiously in the airport lounge before boarding the plane, when he settled into a front row aisle seat. 'That's my favorite seat on the plane,' Patterson, 39, joked as she passed him. 'You're going to have to tell me how you got that seat.' " OK, her flirting needs work. Later: "He was standing just 3 metres away, probably trying to say hello. But she didn't have it in her. ... The baggage carousel starting moving. The mystery man grabbed his luggage and left." Ultimately, Patterson took out the ad—headline: "Can I have another chance?"—and included her phone number because she didn't want to be left "wondering about what could have been." I guess (and this is how the media have generally portrayed it) the story illustrates that in our world of instant communications, unbridled "friending" and seemingly constant contact, many people still feel starved for meaningful human connections. Or else Linda's just a frustrated hoser, eh? Food for thought, either way.

Filed under Canada, Consumer stunts, Gianatasio
Permalink | Comments (1)

Movie-style save-the-date trailer: the sequel

Being a masochist, I was just sitting here thinking, "Wouldn't it be great to see another movie-trailer-style save-the-date wedding video?" Fade in on Chicago's Mike Wolozak and Christen Ford, whose two-minute clip is rated T, for "Truly in love." Ye-ah, I should've stopped watching right there at the 1-second mark, but I hung in and found it vaguely amusing in a soul-crushing, man-our-culture-sucks kind of way. Christen's gal-pal Kerry steals the show by bragging, "I'm the best matchmaker in Chicago" (hey, someone has to be) and, while kickin' back on a leather sofa with a glass of red wine, dialing up the hard sell on behalf of Mike: "Me and my friends always hang out with him on the boat. Little Pollack from Chicago. Great guy." That's better dialogue than we get from Aniston and Sandler. Indeed, the Mike-Christen video milks the the romantic-comedy set-up for all it's worth—which, alas, wouldn't cover the price of a ticket to Just Go With It. Check out the contrasting approach used previously by Jeff and Erin, whose category-defining mini-epic tossed in gloriously geeky nods to familiar blockbuster flicks. Inexplicably, I wasn't invited to Jeff and Erin's wedding, and I haven't been asked to attend Mike and Christen's, though my utter lack of a social life guarantees that July 23 is a date I can indeed save. Some advice for other betrothed would-be auteurs: Before shouting "Action!" and lensing cinematic pap to foist on innocent, unsuspecting family and friends, please—for the love of Godard!—elope.

Filed under Consumer stunts, Gianatasio, Weddings
Permalink | Comments (2)

Disregard that ad: Baby not actually for sale

If you're looking to play a prank on people, don't put their 7-month-old baby up for sale online. I shouldn't have to say things like this, but someone recently pulled this very stunt on a Nova Scotia woman and scared the hell out of her. A concerned citizen saw the ad, with the woman's home address listed, and called the police, who were relieved to find that the child's parents had nothing to do with it. In fact, they were pretty angry about it. "We could have had pedophiles or people come to our house looking for my son," the woman tells CBC News. "It's pretty serious." Police are still trying to trace the culprit through an IP address, and I strongly urge the responsible parties to stick to flaming bags of dog poop next time.

Filed under Consumer stunts, Kiefaber
Permalink | Comments (0)

Q&A: shopaholic gives up shopping for year

"Spend less money" is probably a close second to "Lose weight" on the list of most-common New Year's resolutions. But when California blogger Elizabeth Jayne Liu says she's giving up shopping altogether for a year, you tend to believe her. After all, she's already been at it for four months. Since September, Liu has been chronicling her self-imposed exile from retail on her blog, Flourish in Progress. While she still allows herself occasional splurges like gifts, haircuts and a gym membership, Liu refuses to buy clothes, books, movies, fast food, furniture or most anything else, beyond the bare essentials. It's not a story of financial hardship or a crusade against consumerism. So, what is motivating her to swear off spending? We caught up with Liu for a chat about self-denial, good parenting and her impending knife fight with the U.S. treasury secretary.

   AdFreak: You've said on your blog that you're not in debt, facing foreclosure or otherwise struggling to stay afloat. So, why the one-year shopping ban?
   Liu: I spent seven years as a single mom before suddenly getting married (in Vegas, after dating just 18 days … I like to keep things classy) three and a half years ago. During those seven years, I was always on a tight budget and lived without a lot of material luxuries. After getting married, I had the opportunity to stay at home with my daughter, and I starting buying, buying, buying to make up for lost time.
   This past summer, just before my 30th birthday, I realized two important things: First, my shopping habit consumed most of my free time. Second, it wasn't achieving the deeper satisfaction I always imagined it would bring. So, I decided to give it up and focus my time on goals I've been putting off for months ... or a decade.
   I originally thought about doing the project for a shorter length of time, maybe a month, but I knew that I would end up just marking the days off my calendar and wait for the month to be over so that I could start shopping again. I picked a year because, well, a year is a damn long time, and I would be forced to find something else to do besides stare at the calendar.

Click to read more ...

Filed under Consumer stunts, Griner, Interviews
Permalink | Comments (7)

Couple hoping billboard brings them a child

Here's a heartwarming yet frustrating story from Michigan, where a Clarkston couple named Wendy and Josh Rougeau are so tired of the slow-moving adoption process that they've spent $2,000 to rent a billboard on I-75 advertising their desire to be adoptive parents. "We thought, 'What better way to communicate with hundreds of thousands of people each week, 24 hours a day, seven days a week?' " Josh says. The calls are now apparently flooding in. Will someone give this nice couple a child already?

Filed under Adoption, Consumer stunts, Nudd
Permalink | Comments (2)

Man honors Ayn Rand with Google Earth ad

The good news: Nick Newcomen spent a month driving 12,000 miles, and using a GPS tracking device as a "pen," created what the Guardian describes as the "world's largest book ad" on Google Earth. Yay, literacy! The bad news: He's a Randroid. Yes, Newcomen's big message, virtually visible from space, is: "Read Ayn Rand." Newcomen got the idea after seeing "some GPS 'penned' shapes and drawings done by others" on Google Earth and decided to "create a 'written' message on a very large scale." Sadly, Rand—whose work is enjoying a boost in sales thanks to the economy driving people insane—is the only author he plans to advertise in this or any other way. But maybe he and the rest of Rand's cult of personality have a point. Maybe more people should read Ayn Rand. That way, future articles about her will focus less on her divisive beliefs and more on her utter dogshit writing.

Filed under Book marketing, Consumer stunts, Kiefaber
Permalink | Comments (10)

Free-babysitting ad punishes wayward teen

A Texas father has punished his curfew-breaking teenage daughter by placing a classified ad in which she is forced to confess her crime and offer free babysitting as her penalty. "My name is Kirstin and I'm a 16-year-old CSHS junior," the girl says in the ad. "I'm in BIG trouble for missing my curfew and my parents are making me provide 30 hours of FREE babysitting as punishment. My pain is your gain." The ad goes on to give a phone number and urge readers to call and book her services. The public shaming is admirable, but if I were looking for a babysitter, disobedience wouldn't be much of a selling point.

Filed under Consumer stunts, Kiefaber
Permalink | Comments (5)

Dying man sells ad space on cremation urns

Aaron Jamison is selling ad space on two cremation urns that will go to his wife and parents when he dies. This sounds morbid and crass until you realize that Aaron, who is 37 and lives in Oregon, is dying from terminal colon cancer. If his new chemo treatment works, "I've got about nine months," he says. "If it doesn't work, I've got three." Knowing that, this gesture comes off as heartbreakingly poignant, even more so since he wants the money so his soon-to-be widow can be debt-free. He plans to hand-paint the ads and hopes to raise $800. Aaron's complex pairing of stoicism and jovial acceptance is so remarkable that a quippy response would insult it. But another point needs to be made: There's something very wrong with the world when someone has to find sponsors for their own death so the expenses won't bankrupt those they leave behind.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Filed under Consumer stunts, Death, Kiefaber
Permalink | Comments (10)

Man seeks sponsor for huge, deformed chin

Take this one with a grain of salt, but a Chinese man with a grossly deformed chin is reported to be selling ad space on it—to raise money for surgery. For some reason, the Austrian Times has the scoop on this, saying that Chang Du, 47, was afflicted with the swelling about five years ago and needs $7,500 for the procedure. Chang's condition has been covered elsewhere, though the sponsorship idea is new. He reportedly said: "I am normally a shy man and stay indoors most of the time because I don't want to frighten people. But without money I can't get this operation so I will do or promote anything to get it." Via Tabloid Prodigy.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Filed under Asia, Consumer stunts, Nudd
Permalink | Comments (4)

Here is one blockbuster save-the-date video

I don't know about you, but I'm now officially more excited about Jeff and Erin getting married than I am about any actual movie coming out this year. Who are Jeff and Erin? Who cares? Their "save the date" video, done in the style of a Hollywood trailer, is one of the most entertaining and endearing bits of obsessive geekiness I've seen in a long while. What's even rarer is the warm-hearted comments coming from the clip's influx of YouTube viewers, a crowd whose feedback usually consists of variations on "you're gay" and "omg FAKE." I'm going to go out on a limb and guess this couple is neither.

—Posted by David Griner

Filed under Consumer stunts, Griner, Movies
Permalink | Comments (11)

Crowdsourcing leads to an ill-advised tattoo

Crowdsourcing is not everyone's cup of tea. Some find it a little insulting to advertising professionals who hone their craft only to see the unwashed masses debase themselves coming up with ideas for next to nothing. A new low may have been reached with a crowdsourcing logo contest run by Veer, a stock-photography brand owned by Corbis. Veer put a twist on its contest (the winner gets a Macbook Pro) by asking people to "re-create the Veer logo using real-world objects or materials." One eager beaver decided to use his arm and a tattoo needle. His submission is the video below. The best comment comes from the tattoo artist: "I ain't got to live with it." The fact that this dope is walking around with a stock-photography company's name on his arm alarms me. There's still time to top the tattoo, if anyone wants to literally get branded. The contest ends today. Thanks to @ijyoung. UPDATE: OK, it's a "faux" tattoo.

—Posted by Brian Morrissey

Filed under Consumer stunts, Crowdsourcing, Morrissey
Permalink | Comments (8)

GU student ripped for personal-assistant ad

Georgetown University sophomore Charley Cooper is taking a lot of flak for putting out an ad seeking a personal assistant. The ideal candidate will attend to tasks like organizing his closet, scheduling haircuts, managing his electronic accounts and doing laundry. It didn't take long for haters to begin hating. The Georgetown Voice accused him of "premature self-importance," and others complained that he was perpetuating the stereotype that Georgetown students are rich, helpless brats. I'd be joining in, but someone in Cooper's family has cancer, and that will earn my sympathy more than his full load of classes and part-time job will. Plus, he's paying $12 an hour, and I don't live too far from GU.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Filed under Consumer stunts, Kiefaber
Permalink | Comments (3)

Bills fan's billboard aims to get coach fired

Ryan Abshagen, an unemployed 18-year-old from New Freedom, Pa., might have a future in the ad business. Or fundraising. Or media consulting. He sure won't be working for the Buffalo Bills after raising $1,400 on the Web to buy a week's worth of time on a digital billboard, which he'll use to demand the ouster of Bills coach Dick Jauron. Starting Monday, Abshagen's message will be flashed 3,000 times a day on a billboard over I-190 south of Buffalo. It also calls for the dismissal of the team's pro personnel director and chief college scout. According to the Associated Press: "He's now begun a second campaign to raise another $1,125 to extend the rental for one more week or rent a second billboard." Surely Crispin or PBS could find an internship for this guy! If nothing else, he could run the office football pool.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

Filed under Consumer stunts, Dick jokes, Gianatasio, NFL
Permalink | Comments (2)

Man proposes to girlfriend with bus-stop ad

We recently saw a guy propose to his girlfriend with online banner ads. But for Eric Anderson of Chicago, that's too high-tech. Anderson placed his own ad last week asking his girlfriend, Rachel Clark, to marry him—but he went with old-school media, plastering the message on the bus shelter where Clark catches her ride to work each morning. See the ad here. The copy reads: "Rachel! I love you! Let's be a team forever! Will you marry me? xoxo Eric." Thanks to a kind-hearted rep at the outdoor company, Anderson got a discounted rate on the ad, which featured, along with the big question, the symbols of a heart (for love), the scales of justice (Clark is a lawyer), a cog (Anderson is an engineer) and a knot—which will indeed be tied, as Clark said yes. "At first I was afraid it wouldn't be very romantic—it's a bus station," Clark tells the Chicago Tribune. "But I mentioned it to her sister and my cousin, and they were both excited about it. I had two women who liked it, so I went with it."

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Previously on AdFreak:
Guy proposes to his girlfriend in banner ads

Filed under Consumer stunts, Nudd
Permalink | Comments (1)

British man denies affair in newspaper ad

The local newspaper ad is often the last resort for the wrongly accused. That appears to be the case with British man Patrick Byrne (not the Patrick Byrne who runs Overstock.com, a different one), who was recently kicked out of his home by his wife after a young female colleague claimed she'd had an affair with him. Byrne denies any infidelity, and decided to place an ad in the Sutton Coldfield News declaring his innocence and undying devotion to his wife. "I Patrick Byrne love my wife Sue Byrne and have always been faithful and will love you forever," he wrote. Byrne tells the Sunday Mercury: "It was my way of saying I didn't do anything wrong. The Sutton Coldfield News is our local paper, and I thought that would be the best place for it to go. When I get home from work I am dead on my feet, and I just wanted to do something nice." The ROI seems solid, as Sue has allowed Paddy back in the house. She still has "massive trust issues," but puts most of the blame on the younger woman. She tells the Mercury: "As far as I am concerned, she is a little slut."

—Posted by Tim Nudd

See also:
Man places ad offering $5,000 for a wife
Iowa woman places ad to sell breast milk

Filed under Consumer stunts, Europe, Nudd
Permalink | Comments (0)

Holy crap, a Wisconsin man is out of work!

Man, what is it with people and billboards? It seems like every couple of months, someone commandeers one to broadcast his or her personal needs all over their communities. This time it's Mark Hauer, a Wisconsin guy who's looking for work. Hauer "hasn't worked in six months" (that doesn't really set him apart, of course), and his work experience includes "sales, service, production and procurement management." More specifically, it includes "assisting U.S. troops in Iraq for a contractor in a detainee camp," which sounds vague and ominous enough to scare a few employers away right off the bat. Perhaps Hauer, who seems like a nice enough guy, should spend a few months as a Volunteer Kitten Hugger or something to lighten up his image. He can add pictures to his Web site, while he's at it.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Filed under Consumer stunts, Kiefaber
Permalink | Comments (2)

Man's ad to sell nagging wife draws suitors

We're pretty certain this Englishman who put his wife up for sale in a classified ad was kidding, because we're also pretty certain that sort of thing is illegal. But that didn't stop hordes of strange men who saw the ad from actually calling Gary Bates to inquire about his wife Donna, who was described in the ad as a "nagging wife" who is "very high maintenance" and has "some rust." Gary wasn't really going out of his way to advertise Donna; he was already there to sell some fishing tackle. But we have to question Gary's salesmanship here, not to mention his decision to show the ad to his wife. Perhaps he should get some marketing advice from Dr. Tran's elderly neighbor.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Filed under Consumer stunts, Europe, Kiefaber
Permalink | Comments (1)

It's looking bleak for Super Bowl Single Girl

Oh good, more desperate singles pulling undignified advertising stunts! This time it's Amy Borkowski, a New York comedian who's been trying to raise $3 million to air her own personals ad on the Super Bowl. With two days to go, she's raised $6,205. (Where's David Armano when you need him?) "Dating is basically a numbers game," Amy says, "and I figured getting myself in front of a captive audience of 60 million men would increase my odds of meeting Mr. Right." As opposed to, you know, developing hobbies and interests through which she could meet like-minded people. Yes, we know it's a joke. Via Deadspin.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Filed under Consumer stunts, Kiefaber, Super Bowl
Permalink | Comments (1)

Google's TV-ad system: everyone's a player

Valleywag has the story of Ariel Schneller, a 24-year-old Internet poker player who placed the homemade commercial above, which advertises his FoxwoodsFiend.com blog, in front of 330,000 Dish subscribers for just $500, thanks to Google's nascent TV-ad-buying program. Schneller explains that his roommate works for Google in its ads division and tipped him off to how easy the whole process could be. "It's half egomania and half dedication to comedy," he says of the commercial, which ran on Oxygen, ESPN2, and WPT. Maybe slightly more of the former than the latter.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Filed under Consumer stunts, Google, Nudd
Permalink | Comments (0)

Jason Sadler would love to wear your shirt

Is your ad budget a little crunched for 2009? Just call Jason Sadler. On Feb. 24, for only $55, he'll wear a shirt with your logo on it and do whatever you want him to do—and blog about it. Not feeling it? On April 20, for $110, he'll wear a shirt with your logo on it and do whatever you want him to do—and blog about it. If you have some real cashola to spend, you might consider sending him your shirt to wear on July 4 ($185), Halloween ($304) or Christmas ($359). Advertising is simple at IWearYourShirt.com. Sadler wears your shirt and does what you want, for a price determined by the numerical day of the year—$1 on Jan. 1, $2 on Jan. 2 and so on, until Dec. 31, which costs $365. (According to our rudimentary math, if he sells out the whole year, he'll make $66,796. Not bad.) Want him to climb a tree? He'll do that. Want him to show up at your office with video cameras to chronicle the event? No problem. Want him to go shirtless for a day? No probl ... er, I'll have to look into that.

—Posted by Jeremy Greenfield

Filed under Consumer stunts, Greenfield
Permalink | Comments (4)