'The Rack' is totally some old man's walker

I don't know if it's really "the perfect way to build bigger, sculpted muscles," but I do know this: The Rack is blatantly a geriatric walker that's been repurposed into a workout device. Obviously, this fact isn't mentioned in the infomercial below. Maybe that's because no one has used a walker to get a six pack since they sold Schlitz in a can.

Filed under Griner, Infomercials
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Forever Lazy bodysuits, for the infant in you

Is the Snuggie too dignified for you? Then hop into a Forever Lazy one-piece fleece bodysuit, and really call it quits. Same garish colors as the Snuggie, same soothing fabric. But the Forever Lazy is worse than the Snuggie. It's not a one-piece—it's a onesie. An adult-size onesie. It presents the wearer as an overgrown baby, always in need of comforting, and perhaps feeding and burping, too. The infantilization of America? This is it—in surely its purest form yet. They should sell it with a pack of diapers. Just don't follow the advice of the infomercial and wear it to the ballpark. Via Work That Matters.

Filed under Forever Lazy, Infomercials, Nudd, Snuggie
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The WheeMe wants to caress you senseless

Here's your suggestive infomercial of the day—for the WheeMe, a new palm-size robot that crawls all over your body, massaging and caressing you, using tilt-sensor technology so it doesn't fall off, and "providing a delightful sense of bodily pleasure," according to the marketing materials. It's basically a filthy-minded Roomba with claws, and the company behind it—DreamBots—is clearly going to sell it with sex. The main image on the Web site is a woman lying on the ground, head thrown back in near ecstasy, as the WheeMe investigates the folds of her skirt. The strategy seems to be working. As a YouTube commenter writes excitedly: "I'm going to get one for my vagina." Makes a great companion gift with the Shake Weight. Via BuzzFeed.

Filed under Infomercials, Nudd, Robots, WheeMe
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Hong Kong advertises canisters of fresh air

The air quality in Hong Kong is so bad that they're starting to sell fresh air in canisters, which you can strap to your face to enjoy lovely, brief periods of unpolluted respiration. Available in pleasant scents like vanilla, the beach and "horses," the canned air is "the revolutionary new product that lets you experience breathing like the rest of the world does," according to the spot below. Of course, it's a parody infomercial, nicely produced by DDB and the Hong Kong Clean Air Network (CAN), urging environmental protection. Says the line at the end: "If we do nothing about Hong Kong's air pollution today, we can look forward to this tomorrow." Via Time magazine's NewsFeed.

Filed under Asia, DDB, Environment, Infomercials, Parody, PSAs
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Fool your leering boss with a fake camisole

Ladies, has this ever happened to you? You like to wear low-cut blouses when you're out on the town at night, but you can't stand your boss staring at your chest all day. Well, now there's the Cami Secret—the bogus camisole that straps to your bra and temporarily hides your cleavage from your piggish colleagues, until you can cut loose during happy hour. Perhaps you can get a package deal on the Cami Secret and the Kush breast-support sleeping aid. The makers of Summer's Eve feminine-care products have no connection to the Cami Secret, but they recommend you leave it at home if you're asking your boss for a raise. Via Consumerist. UPDATE: There's also a spoof of this called the Boob Apron, using the same footage set to a foul-mouthed, sexist voiceover.

Filed under Cami Secret, Infomercials, Nudd
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Snuggie learns new dance called 'Macarena'

The makers of the Snuggie, the "blanket with sleeves," are taking their advertising into new realms of camp with a series of "Snugarena" ads, in which people in Snuggies gyrate to the hot new dance craze known as the "Macarena." Sure, they might be 15 years late to the party, but the Snuggie itself is so clearly ahead of its time, it all evens out. "Stay tuned this fall for a series of 'Snugarena' commercials which will feature different lyrics, designs and scenes," the company promises.

Filed under Apparel, Infomercials, Nudd, Snuggie
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Shake Weight creator: You're doing it wrong

The Shake Weight has enjoyed a meteoric rise to fame mostly thanks to the suggestive-looking way you're supposed to handle the arm-toning workout product. But hold on. In a new interview, Shake Weight inventor Johann Verheem claims the company wasn't trying to be suggestive in the infomercial at all—and that the motion isn't that dirty if you follow the proper instructions. "We never intended for the women's device ad to have innuendo," he says. "We had a bunch of people here from the industry, and a lot of women on the set, and they didn't make many comments. But it depends how you shake it as well. If you do it based on the three exercises that we have laid out, it's not that suggestive." Verheem isn't that oblivious, though. "Some of the women would say, though, oh if you shake it this way it looks like … well," he admits. "It's not just that sex sells, but one of the other things very important in direct selling, in infomercials, is that a product looks different enough for someone to stop and watch it. And that movement you make with a Shake Weight, well, it looks different." That it does. Via Consumerist.

Filed under Infomercials, Nudd, Shake Weight
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Eminem taps ShamWow guy for infomercial

If there's one person who's always willing to forgive violence against women, it's Eminem. So, I suppose it makes sense that Vince "ShamWow Guy" Shlomi would make his comeback in a manufactured-viral promo for the rapper's new album. You might remember that Shlomi's meteoric rise to infomercial stardom came to an abrupt halt when he got into a fist fight with a prostitute. Although the charges were dropped, the arrest and subsequent photos made Shlomi a television outcast. Now, he's back, reliving his glory days in a disappointingly humdrum Slap-Chop parody for Eminem's upcoming release, Recovery. Because if you can't escape your image as a guy who beats up flophouse hookers, you might as well partner with the rapper who pens lyrics like, "Put anthrax on a Tampax and slap you till you can't stand."

—Posted by David Griner

Filed under Griner, Infomercials, ShamWow
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Fart-absorbing blanket not really a good gift

The Better Marriage Blanket sounds like, and should be, a B-grade Saturday Night Live ad parody. But it's apparently real. Leaving aside the question of whether the market demands a military-grade fart-absorbing blanket, are they sure it makes a great gift for a wedding or anniversary? Yeah, that will go over well. If you give one of these to your spouse, your days of sleeping on the couch because of his or her digestive trouble might be over, but your days of sleeping on the couch because you're an insensitive asshole will just be beginning. Via BuzzFeed.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Filed under Infomercials, Kiefaber
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Montage of non-problems from infomercials

Has this ever happened to you?! Probably not, but don't let that stop you from buying our product! Here's an amusing collection of fake problems from informercials that the products guarantee to solve. Via Kottke.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Filed under Infomercials, Nudd
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Infomercial hawks cool wife-stealing system

My fellow men, have you been denied the love you deserve just because the woman of your dreams is dating, engaged or even married to someone else? Well, cultural anthropologist Les Singer has a solution for you: Be a Hawkpanther, and swoop in for the kill. "The alpha male takes what he wants," Singer says. "Anything he wants: his best friend's girlfriend, his co-worker's fiancée, his brother's wife." The ads for Singer's wifejacking system began airing on TV last night, sending viewers to Hawkpanther.com, where the Frank T.J. Mackey-esque misogyny is revealed to be a viral stunt for the Electronic Arts video game Dante's Inferno. Celebrating Treachery, the ninth circle of hell, HawkPanther rounds out nine months of clever (and occasionally controversial) guerrilla marketing for the game, which launched earlier this month.

—Posted by David Griner

Filed under Electronic Arts, Griner, Infomercials, Parody, Video games
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Gilbert Gottfried gratingly pitches shoehorn

There's annoying, and then there's super-annoying. And a few miles past that, there's Gilbert Gottfried. He's barely tolerable in occasional quacked bursts for Aflac, and in this two-minute infomercial for a shoehorn, he's about as enjoyable as a CIA secret prison. But these are lean times, even for Gottfried, who sounds suitably desperate when he shrieks: "Come on, please! It's not just a shoehorn! It's a shoehorn on a stick!"

—Posted by David Griner

Filed under Celebrity endorsements, Griner, Infomercials
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Order your off-color Axe or Snuggie ad now

(Note: Bottom video is NSFW.) Here are a couple of goofy infomercial spoofs that we'll kill with one post. Above is a spot starring Jaime Pressly for the Axe Detailer, which is a real product—an intimate scrubbing sponge that will clean any double entendre you put in front of it, no matter how long it's overstayed its welcome. Consumer Reports should compare it to the lower-budget Scrotum Scrub. And for those of you who bought Snuggies (and who will buy literally anything you see on television), check out the NSFW spot below for the Snuggie D-lux (not a real product), which includes an extra sleeve for lame dick jokes. Tempting, but no. Although that Reverse Snuggie looks pretty slick.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Filed under Axe, Infomercials, Kiefaber, Parody, Snuggie
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Achieve that bigger ass now with Booty Pop

Here's an infomercial for the Booty Pop, a padded ass enhancer that helps you "reshape your backside and achieve that ultimate shapely lifted booty instantly." You could enhance your butt the natural way, by eating more. But the downside there is you can't take it off, and you end up having to order a longer Comfort Wipe and a bigger Body Snake. Via Consumerist.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Filed under Butts, Infomercials, Nudd
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Isn't it time to retire the infomercial parody?

There's no doubt that cheesy infomercials are quite funny. Look at the popularity of the Snuggie or the outpouring of interest following the demise of Billy Mays. But really, how many advertisers must go the tired route of running fake-infomercial spots? Fred Willard is getting a second career out of it. Microsoft rented him for the Bingathon that ran on Hulu, and then he did a similar act for FedEx, as seen above. Below are three other examples: Colgate channeled the Slap Chop for its Wisp toothpick thing. Subaru is picking up the conceit with its "Outback Detergent" ad, as is Bud Light with the "Tailgate approved" stuff. It might be time for a break. Why not spoof cheesy local TV spots? Start with the Carmel Car Service ladies.

—Posted by Brian Morrissey

Filed under Infomercials, Morrissey, Parody
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Be hilarious! Go as Billy Mays on Halloween

Freshly deceased celebrities are always a big hit on Halloween. There's no shortage of them this year, but for any self-respecting advertising person, the choice is clear: You must go as Billy Mays, the infomercial king who died in June. It's a ridiculously easy costume to pull together, and the louder you get as the night goes on, the more realistic you will appear. The weird thing, however, is that Mays's son, also named Billy, who is honoring his father's memory on the Web site Where's Billy Mays?, is embracing the idea of Billy Mays Halloween costumes—and has even announced a Billy Mays "Hallow-clean Contest." God bless him. Here are the rules:
  1. Send a photo of your costume to wheresbillymays@gmail.com along with your contact info.
  2. Be tasteful. (Zombies ARE permitted)
  3. Project your voice.
  4. Have fun.
  The deadline for entries is Nov. 4. Via Consumerist.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Previously on AdFreak:
Billy Mays sells Chipotlaway from the grave
Iconic TV pitchman Billy Mays is dead at 50

Filed under Halloween, Infomercials, Nudd, Zombies
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Sleevie helps you look great ... and do good

This week's honors for best fictitious brand go to the Sleevie, a garment whose capacious sleeves make it easier to expose your arm and thus donate blood. Looking like something an especially fashion-challenged Franciscan monk might wear, it's presented in a bogus infomercial by Austin, Texas, agency Door Number 3. "You want to donate blood, but rolling up you sleeves can be a real pain," says a voiceover, as we're shown the Sleevie as the solution to this age-old problem. The non-bogus idea here is to drum up blood donations to the Blood Center of Central Texas.

—Posted by Mark Dolliver

Previously on AdFreak:
Snuggie wearers at last can outfit their pets
Be an utter tool, order the WTF Blanket now

Filed under Dolliver, Infomercials, Parody, Snuggie
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Billy Mays sells Chipotlaway from the grave

Infomercial king Billy Mays, who died in June, was the star of Wednesday night's dead-celebrities episode of South Park. (After learning that Mays' soul is not at rest, Cartman vows to help.) In the clip above—a tribute to the man's ability to literally sell anything—Mays pitches a product called Chipotlaway (pronounced "Chipotle Away"), a laundry spray designed to get the blood stains out of your underwear after you eat Chipotle. Genius. Via YesButNoButYes. UPDATE: The Live Feed has posted Chipotle's response to the episode: "Being spoofed on South Park certainly says something about our popularity with that audience, but we didn’t have anything to do with the content. Some people will find it funny, others will not. But ultimately, being part of the pop culture conversation is probably a good thing."

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Previously on AdFreak:
Iconic TV pitchman Billy Mays is dead at 50

Filed under Celebrity endorsements, Infomercials, Nudd, Parody
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Snuggie wearers at last can outfit their pets

After what has surely been an interminable wait, Snuggie fans can finally order mini Snuggies for their dogs. (You can probably put it on your cat, too, though you might lose some blood getting clawed in the process.) The advantages over a regular pet sweater are questionable (such sweaters "pull and they're tight," according to the infomercial), but it's not really as much about function as fashion. Via @woodlandalyssa.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Filed under Infomercials, Nudd, Snuggie
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The perfect gift for people who stink all over

Add Doc Bottom's Aspray to the list of products we hope are elaborate pranks, because we refuse to believe the market was crying out for a questionably named aerosol deodorant. A guy named Doc Bottom should be making toilet-seat covers or gay porn, not an all-over body spray. Still, kudos to that "contractor" for admitting on television that his butt stinks, though why anyone would be crouching down to smell it is beyond us. The product's Web site seems legit, though, so head over to customer service and ask why a grown man would call himself Doc Bottom.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Filed under Aspray, Doc Bottom, Infomercials, Kiefaber, Personal care
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Iconic TV pitchman Billy Mays is dead at 50

He was the man with no inside voice, the man who seemed to be on every late-night cable channel at once, the man who comprehensively convinced us we don't need a cabinet full of cleaners. And now, sadly, infomercial icon Billy Mays is dead. Details were scarce Sunday, though there were apparently no signs of foul play, so that probably rules out the Yakuza gangsters who were stalking Mays in the hilarious self-parody above. It's always been hard to pin down what made Mays so good at selling cleaning products, dubiously necessary inventions and just about anything else. Was it the beard? The wildly gesticulating hands? The tone that straddled the line between evangelism and straight-out screaming? Obviously it was all of the above that catapulted Mays from hawking wares at local garden shows to reality TV stardom on the Discovery Channel's PitchMen. So here's to Billy Mays, a one-man sales juggernaut who, like fellow commercial legend Ed McMahon, was never afraid to laugh at his own public persona.

—Posted by David Griner

Filed under Griner, Infomercials, Obituaries
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Kush infomercial makes everyone feel good

I guess it would be impossible to make a breast-support sleeping aid that doesn't look or sound dirty, but Kush Support certainly could have tried harder. For a guy, watching the infomercial is like biting into a York Peppermint Patty. Still, a product like this could actually be helpful. Even though it was invented to help women sleep better and/or prevent cleavage lines and wrinkles, it's good for pregnant women whose breasts have swelled, or for women who've just had them enlarged, because it separates them well enough to encourage proper spinal alignment. From an advertising standpoint, they should have focused more on that and less on the close-ups of the attractive models' cleavage, since the target audience is women for whom breasts are no longer thrilling. Failing that, they could direct viewers to the Web site, where more practical product details are given. I'll go away now and do some more research on this.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Filed under Infomercials, Kiefaber, Kush Support
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The wait is over: Wipe your butt with a stick

I don't care what YouTube says, this infomercial for the "Comfort Wipe" can't be real. My mind won't allow it to be. For God's sake, it starts off by asking how much we're all sick of folding toilet paper, as if we would all nod our heads and agree that, yes, the whole process is a savage antiquity. We're then expected to accept that wiping with a fancy stick is a bold step forward in our personal sanitary habits. No. This is not right. A fat guy cannot cite "advantages" to being fat and in the same breath acknowledge that he needs help sanitizing his crevasse, at which point the voiceover says the product helps people retain their dignity. I keep looking for The Onion's logo in the corner, and it's not there. And I weep.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Filed under Infomercials, Kiefaber, Personal care
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Ad for self-help CD is inadvertently uplifting

Today is quickly devolving into silly infomercial humor, but that's OK, because this "Cheers to You" spot from The Good Cheer Company, hawking affirmational CDs filled with eight tracks of "encouragement" and "cheering applause," is undeniably great. The acting is refreshingly wretched, and whoever shouts the "Hooray for you!" line at the end is a certified genius—you really can't tell if the guy's being just totally sincere and happy and positive or if he's secretly filled with disgust and loathing. The affirmative jewelry is pretty sweet, too. Via @woodlandalyssa.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Filed under Good Cheer Company, Infomercials, Nudd
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Slap Chop remix may salvage Vince's career

It's good to know that Vince Shlomi of ShamWow fame can lay down a beat, and not just on Florida prostitutes. Actually, DJ Steve Porter deserves all the credit for this incredible remix of Shlomi's ad for the Slap Chop. I've been pretty impressed with the guys working on Auto-Tune the News, but this might be the best use of the voice modulator since T-Pain found it in a trunk labeled "1998" at Cher's garage sale.

—Posted by David Griner

Filed under Griner, Infomercials, Parody
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