Hell Pizza reoffends with damned Satanic ad

I always assumed New Zealanders were going straight to hell for getting the world addicted to Kiwi fruit. Now, we can add a sacrilegious promotion from Hell Pizza to their list of transgressions (and, perhaps, to AdFreak's list of uncool ads and products featuring Jesus). Just in time for Easter, the chain offers two free "Hot Cross Buns" decorated with Satanic pentagrams for each order over $40, and touts the deal around Auckland with the line, "For a limited time. A bit like Jesus." Of course, the company seems to be enjoying the predictable controversy—having caused trouble in previous ads with Hitler and George W. Bush jokes—and director Warren Powell says the chain might bring the unholy buns back next year since "everyone's saying that Jesus Christ is coming back one day." I wonder how smart-mouthed he'll be with a pitchfork crammed up his ass for all eternity? Auckland bishop Patrick Dunn counters: "A number of people might decide to boycott Hell Pizza for a while, and I will be one of them." Ah well, Catholics have to give up something for Lent anyway.

Filed under Gianatasio, Hell Pizza, New Zealand, Religion
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Richard Simmons: fit to fly Air New Zealand

Air New Zealand, whose wacky mile-high antics we've written about many times before, has scored another viral hit with this in-flight safety video featuring Richard Simmons. You may remember Air New Zealand's suggestive squirrel, failed cougar contest, and naked flight attendants. But all that pales in comparison to the supernova of specialness that is Mr. Simmons. The three-minute clip, called "Fit to Fly," is fabulous fun. "Stretch it out and lose that baggage. Stretch it up to the overhead locker," Richard cries ebulliently. "Stretch and slide, yeah, you're a giraffe!" This replaces last year's rugby-themed safety video and is already far more popular. It was created by New Zealand creative agency .99 and also includes celebrity appearances by Amazing Race presenter Phil Keoghan, television personality Paul Henry, Temepara George of the Silver Ferns netball team and Air New Zealand CEO Rob Fyfe. Can't get enough? Check the behind-the-scenes video after the jump.

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Filed under .99, Air New Zealand, Airlines, Celebrity endorsements, Cullers, New Zealand
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'Dumb whore' song not great for clothing ad

This spot by Publicis Mojo for New Zealand clothing retailer Hallensteins pretty much fails on all fronts. Chiefly, it incurred the wrath of the country's ad watchdog because it uses a Sleigh Bells song in which the phrase "dumb whore" features prominently. (The lyrics are: "Deaf chords, dead ends, sling set can't meet their demands, dumb whores, best friends.") To make matters worse, the ad aired during a broadcast of the G-rated Princess Diaries 2. Publicis Mojo says it was supposed to air during a show called Motorway Patrol, and that the agency "obviously would not have placed the ad in Princess Dairies as it is not applicable to our target audience." The same could be said for Motorway Patrol, since hipster douchebags are the only friendly audience for Sleigh Bells, and I doubt they're watching either program.

Filed under Apparel, Controversy, Kiefaber, New Zealand
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Man does 60 things in 60-second ad for DVR

This amusing DDB spot shows how the MySky DVR turns New Zealand husbands into the biggest wussies on the planet. (In contrast, DVRs make Aussies behave like dim blokes—dimmer than they already are, I mean.) The ad suggests "60 things in 60 seconds your husband could do instead of watching TV," because now he can record shows to watch later. Welcome to 2005 technology, New Zealand! Our emasculated hero's activities include cooking, cleaning, helping with the housework, exercising, taking bullfighting lessons, unclogging the sink, washing the dog (with a hose), washing the cat (with his tongue), massaging his wife's feet and brushing and braiding her hair. Whoa, is this dude whipped! The funniest segments show him shaving his chest and back. Nair's more effective—not that I'd know from experience. Now, if you'll excuse me, my wife's calling. *whip cracks*

Filed under DDB, Gianatasio, New Zealand, TV
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Snoop mixes with wrong crowd in airline ad

Air New Zealand's bug-eyed bush-baby spokescharacter, Rico, really has to go. As some observers have pointed out, bush babies aren't native to New Zealand—that would account for his lack of Kiwi accent. Plus, the character is just offensive. A little history: Earlier ads had him leering at women passengers and making lewd comments about them. Ha ha? This time he's laying down some "dope" rhymes, surrounded by hot babes in Snoop Dogg's crib. Even the likable, laid-back stoner rapper can't save this video. Snoop, what were you thinking? He's not the only Hollywood star to get caught up in a travel-ad controversy lately. Kobe Bryant sidled up to Turkish Airways, and in the process, ticked off Los Angeles's massive Armenian American community (which also happens to be packed full of Laker fans). Guys, do some research next time. Maybe during your next African vacation?

Filed under Air New Zealand, Airlines, New Zealand, Stanley
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DDB marking 'virgin thighs' with advertising

From DDB New Zealand: "With both men and women now wearing their shorts at breathtaking heights, fashion chain Superette was presented with a unique opportunity to draw attention to their sale on short shorts. DDB Auckland placed ads on the virgin thighs that are exposed in this latest trend, by putting indented plates across the inner city and fashion district bus stops, mall seats and park benches, so that when people sat down the message was imprinted on their thighs." People on those benches are asked to squeeze their legs as hard as they can against the bench, ignoring the pain, to get a print that might possibly be readable by others at a distance, while the person is walking. OK, this idea is actually completely useless—but it may win awards!

Filed under Apparel, DDB, New Zealand, Nudd
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New Zealand police's cougar ads are pulled

New Zealand police came up with a ghastly recruitment slogan, "We've got a lot in common with cougars. We like 'em young too," referring to the recruits, and then got all upset when the ads were banned. "Police had failed to see how the ad could be negatively perceived," according to a local report. So, they didn't think it made them sound like child molesters? And what is it with provocative ad campaigns and cougars, anyway? It's like everyone over 40 only just now figured out what that term means, so they want to apply it to everything, context be damned.

Filed under Cougars, Kiefaber, New Zealand, Police
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New Zealand church blesses Xmas billboard

Couldn't make it to church on Christmas? That's OK. You still have a shot at absolution—if you live in New Zealand. St. Matthew in the City, a progressive Anglican church in Auckland known for its ad stunts, blessed a billboard during services the previous Sunday. It's been up outside the church ever since, offering locals a drive-by blessing. (If you happen to be walking by, you're encouraged to touch the ad, for extra blessedness.) St. Matthew is making a habit of unusual Christmas billboards, having caused a stir last year with an ad that questioned the literalness of the conception story. Via The Inspiration Room.

Filed under Holidays, New Zealand, Nudd, Religion
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New Zealand to guy drivers: Stay in mantrol

Here's a pretty high-concept safe-driving campaign from New Zealand. It centers on a place called "mandom," a giant metaphorical house (visually reminiscent of HBO's Voyeur) where men control everything. But as the narrator tells us, men are not fully in control of one thing—their driving. As he slides down a pole to the basement, where there's an eerie car-wreck scene, he tells us the best way to exert "mantrol" while driving is to recognize the things you can't control, such as the road, the weather and other drivers. In other words, you're not really in control at all, so and slow the hell down. It's sort of confusing, actually. The client puts it this way: "A big part of mastering any skill is knowing your own limits. This campaign stresses that part of being a great driver is knowing when to pull back." The main TV spot is below. Two previous teasers are posted after the jump. Via The Inspiration Room.

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Filed under New Zealand, Nudd, Road safety
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Suggestive squirrel pitches Air New Zealand

"You can lick the crack." That's one of many risqué, "misunderstood" lines delivered by an oddly accented faux-muppet squirrel in Air New Zealand's new campaign from Auckland ad agency .99. I think that pissed-off JetBlue flight attendant said something similar as he shimmied down the inflatable slide. In these spots, the furball flummoxes fellow passengers, who look like they're ready to give up acting after landing roles in these spots. The masturbation jokes take it a step too far, but then again, what do you expect from a carrier whose employees go naked at every opportunity? You board a plane expecting a buxom nude cabin crew, and wind up sitting next to a profane rodent. Mayday, mayday! See a second spot after the jump. Via Ads of the World.

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Filed under .99, Air New Zealand, Airlines, Gianatasio, New Zealand
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Greenpeace's milk ads do not go down easy

Apes and monkeys are all over adland these days. And not just in the planning department. (Hi-yo!) Here, Greenpeace in New Zealand blasts dairy company Fonterra for practices that contribute to the destruction of orangutans' rainforest homes. The spot has a creepy build-up. You know something bad's gonna happen. But it's ultimately more unsettling and icky than out-and-out horrific. Pfizer's got the gross-stuff-caught-in-your-throat market cornered, after all. Anyway, now we've got a beverage to wash down those Greenpeace orangutan-finger bars! Via Osocio.

Filed under Animals, Environment, Food and drink, Gianatasio, Greenpeace, New Zealand
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Dog gets dogged in New Zealand lottery ad

An epic two-and-a-half-minute lottery ad from New Zealand? Was there an outcry for such a thing? Still, DDB spins a fairly engrossing tale of a big-money winner's pooch who dives overboard during a storm at sea to save the precious Lotto ticket. Good boy! The terrier—named Wilson, apparently after a certain volleyball—faces great peril in traversing the globe to return the ticket to his master. Nice goin', fella! He finally tracks down his master, only to discover, horror of horrors, that his place in Daddy's affections has been usurped by a ... cat. Kiwi bastard deserved to go down with the ship! Oh, so the dog gives the ticket to a homeless guy, and they walk off together, pals for life. Or else the guy roasts Fido on a spit. He's a winner either way with the New Zealand Lottery!

Filed under Animals, DDB, Gianatasio, Lotteries, New Zealand
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All Blacks show off their unreal rugby skills

New Zealand's All Blacks rugby team are the latest pro athletes to get their own fake-fancy-tricks video in this clip for the Rugby Channel TV network. American audiences are probably too oblivious about rugby to know whether to be impressed by this clip. And American football fans might be quite unimpressed, given that Drew Brees of the New Orleans Saints hit the bull's-eye on an archery range with a football 10 times out of 10 last year. But the rest of the world will surely push this video's views into the millions regardless. The lack of Roger Federer is also a plus.

Filed under New Zealand, Nudd, Rugby
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New Zealand ad warns of bad burger drivers

Clemenger BBDO in New Zealand put together some new road-safety PSAs that are awfully goofy, yet find a novel way of communicating the potentially deadly consequences of driving while eating, applying makeup or using mobile gadgets. Four spots (one below, three more after the jump) show cars in violent slow-mo crashes with a mobile handset, an iPod, a cosmetics compact and even a hamburger—with the works! The effect is more compelling than it sounds (OK, the burger spot is pretty damn cheesy, in more ways than one), and the campaign wisely avoids the gut-wrenching mutilation imagery so common to the genre. The super-cool, low-gliding compact looks like a UFO. (Colliding with one of those isn't too healthy, either.) The burger is much deadlier if you eat it, especially if special sauce is involved.

Filed under BBDO, Gianatasio, New Zealand, PSAs, Road safety
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Fishing retailer making pitch to man-babies

I dislike babies because they're needy, wrinkled, self-fouling complainers who shriek and cry all the time. I dislike old people for the same reasons. Which means I doubly dislike this Okuma "Born to fish" campaign from Barnes, Catmur & Friends in Auckland, New Zealand, which disturbingly combines tykes and coots with unwelcome nautical flair. Actually, the baby in the cap with the mustache looks middle-aged. He reminds me of my uncles, whom I also dislike (see the reasons above). Most of all, I dislike fishing, and these ads are clearly connected to that, though from the ads it's tough to say exactly how. (The tagline simply reads: "Okuma. Kiwi for fishing.") Maybe the client sells the babies as bait. Hey, anything goes in New Zealand! See one more ad after the jump.

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Filed under Fishing, Gianatasio, New Zealand
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Whittaker's spot mixes race, sex, chocolate

Auckland ad shop Assignment blends eroticism and chocolate—which usually mix well, at least in my daydreams and on pay-per-view—into an unappetizing mess in this Whittaker's Ghana Peppermint commercial. A black guy dives into a pool of white glop (presumably mint), while a white gal splashes around in dark chocolate. They emerge looking as if they've fallen into vats of industrial waste. That guy looks completely zombified. Then, they wipe the goop off each other's bodies for a taste. Ew! Don't they teach hygiene in school these days? That kind of behavior can cause cooties at the very least. Copyranter says the whole interracial chocolate lovers idea might have been ripped off. The actors ripped off their clothes to film the spot and act all sexy, so you might not want to watch it at work. If you do, and your uptight boss gets mad, try giving him or her some chocolate. That way, at least the boss will be smiling as you're ushered out the door. There's a "making of" clip after the jump.   

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Filed under Gianatasio, New Zealand, Whittaker's
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Lottery winner receives mass love, not envy

A guy who wins the Instant Kiwi lottery is the latest everyman to lead a city of strangers in an exhaustively choreographed Broadway dance number in this ad from DDB New Zealand. Apparently New Zealand's is a magical-powers lottery. Cool. Maybe they can conjure up a better song than the theme from The Greatest American Hero for the next winner. "Baby the World Really Turns" by the Top Shelf would be a good start.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Filed under DDB, Kiefaber, Lotteries, New Zealand
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New Zealand soda refreshes creepy mouths

I've never heard of Fresh Up soda, probably because I don't live in New Zealand. And when I saw the title of its new ad, "Thirst Is Creepy," I thought maybe they were referring to Miles Thirst, that sassmouth action figure who did ads for Sprite. He was a little creepy. And so is the masseur in the Fresh Up spot by ColensoBBDO. This is due to his severely fanged appearance, brought on by excessive dehydration. Still, the freaked-out customer should have researched this massage parlour a bit more thoroughly. They look like they're in an auction barn. Being creeped out was the best possible outcome, really.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Filed under BBDO, Food and drink, Kiefaber, New Zealand, Soda
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Bayer ad offends New Zealand men's sperm

In one of those situations that makes everyone involved look crazy, Bayer is being taken to task over claiming, in an advertisement for male fertility treatment Menevit, that the quality of New Zealand men's sperm has deteriorated by half in recent years. One complainant said such a thing is impossible to quantify and that Bayer "should not be permitted to make such unsubstantiated and impossible claims." Defensive, much? According to Bayer, the statement was backed by a 20-year study of 975 semen samples, but the country's Advertising Standards Authority found it to be misleading anyway. So, sleep soundly in your beds, men of New Zealand. The ASA says you're as fertile as ever.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Filed under Bayer, Controversy, Kiefaber, New Zealand
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Cadbury goes from gorillas to dancing cows

With its percussionist gorilla apparently drumming up loose change on the streets, Cadbury introduces tap-dancing cows in this New Zealand video. The insufferable "Puttin' on the Ritz" from the old Fred Astaire movie is used as the soundtrack, but even those sour notes won't bar this bovine bunch from award-show glory. These heifers are natural hoofers. They milk it, they're the crème de la crème, etc. Oh, and there's a close-up udder shot. Hey, sex sells. Not that I find udders sexy. Unless they've got tassels. Let's just move on now, OK?

—Posted by David Gianatasio

Filed under Animals, Cadbury, Candy, New Zealand
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Air New Zealand cougar contest is grounded

You may remember Air New Zealand from when they slathered their flight staff with body paint last year. Now, their latest campaign is right on target with the apparent overall brand message: that your flight will have a happy ending. The mating habits of the New Zealand cougar are thoroughly explored in the long mockumentary posted below. Neither the notion of flying nor the details of the GrabASeat contest (ostensibly being promoted here) is mentioned in the 2:33 spot. If you're curious, the contest encourages women over 35 to send in pics with their "cougar mates" (who must be at least 10 years younger) to win a trip to a rugby tournament. The spot has sparked outrage from rape prevention groups and women's rights activists in New Zealand. Of course, that didn't stop 60 women from entering before Air New Zealand swiftly closed the contest. I'll admit, there's a lot to be offended by here. For example, my husband wanted to know, "What the hell is wrong with liking Enya?"

—Posted by Rebecca Cullers

Filed under Air New Zealand, Airlines, Cullers, New Zealand
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Church billboard questions Christmas story

Not about to let the pushy atheists hog the spotlight in New Zealand, a progressive Anglican church has commissioned this billboard just in time for Christmas. Designed by M&C Saatchi for St. Matthew in the City, the ad shows a morose Joseph in bed next to a disappointed Mary, with the headline: "Poor Joseph. God is a hard act to follow." The idea is to question the literalness of the conception story, and bring some more critical thinking to the tenets of Christian fundamentalism at Christmastime. "Is the miracle a male God sending forth his divine sperm, or is the miracle that God is and always has been among the poor?" asks priest Glynn Cardy. Of course, the real miracle will be escaping censure from the ad watchdog.

—Posted by David Kiefaber

Filed under Controversy, Kiefaber, New Zealand
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Kapiti ice cream not actually made of shoes

So, I see these ads, and I'm thinking, Great! The next time I have a craving for surrealist ice cream, and I happen to be in New Zealand, I'll pick up some Kapiti frozen treats! Thanks, Colenso BBDO, for the tip, delivered so stylishly in this print campaign. Designer watches, shoes and handbags melt in a most attractive fashion. Then I find the commercial below, and I realize there's a problem: Kapiti treats don't look surrealist at all. They're just ordinary ice-cream bars! OK, they're "designer" ice-cream bars. That makes the snazzy print kind of deceptive, eh Colenso BBDO? I want my melting-timepiece snack! Now I'll have to go to an art museum and take a bite out of this one. I'm not 100 percent sure it's edible, but since it's surrealist, there's always a chance. Via Ads of the World.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

Filed under BBDO, Food and drink, Gianatasio, Ice cream, New Zealand
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TV is the bright spot in your sad, painful life

Bad stuff happens in life. You accidentally hook up with a transvestite. You get run over by a car. You're attacked by a shark and lose both of your hands. You stumble on a landmine and get blown to smithereens. Your wife sleeps with your best friend. But that's OK. You've still got your dignity—and your television shows. This glass-half-full reminder, set to the tune of "Que Sera Sera," is courtesy of Sky TV and DDB New Zealand.

—Posted by Tim Nudd

Filed under DDB, Freaky, New Zealand, Nudd, TV
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New Zealand novels will give you paper cuts

Maurice Gee's novel Going West literally springs off the page in this animated spot for the New Zealand Book Council by Colenso BBDO and Andersen M Studio. The clip's garnered a quarter-million-plus YouTube views in less than two weeks, and there's no denying it's visually impressive. Still, I found the monochrome images and droning voiceover a bit turgid at first. After the halfway point, the pace picks up, and the stark colors and distorted narration get hypnotically trippy. A tagline like "Read a book, get high" would work, but instead we get "Where books come to life." If this is a series, my own brilliant tome is available for use, gratis, in upcoming PSAs. Hmm, the council seems to be dedicated to promoting New Zealand authors and their work. Luckily, I happen to hail from New Zealand! Um ... g'day, mate, put another shrimp on the barbie? Oh, just forget it.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

Filed under BBDO, Book marketing, Gianatasio, New Zealand
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